Author: Krisztina

So it’s been a whole 7 months since I last posted, and yet it feels more like 7 weeks and also 7 years. That’s a classic 2020 joke for you, about how time just isn’t a thing anymore. (The best jokes are the ones you have to explain.) Like many of you, I had grand visions of what my 2020 was going to look like. Well, maybe not grand, but I thought that I would at least write a blog post every month or two. So much for my dreams of becoming a momfluencer blogger. 

I did however follow my own rule of never wearing sweatpants outside. Sure I only showered once every 3 (or 4) days, but I made a promise to myself that when I go outside to the playground, or on our evening walk, or go to the grocery store, I will not wear sweatpants. Not that there’s anything wrong with wearing sweatpants outside, I just didn’t want that for myself. I mostly wore yoga pants, as they are twice removed from sweatpants in that they are form-fitting and shape-holding. Only on a long road trip to San Diego did I allow myself to wear loose non-sweatpants loungey joggers out of the house because they are super comfy but don’t squeeze my belly like yoga pants. And it wasn’t until October when I wore jeans again for the first time since March.

Now, let me catch you up on the past 7+ months over the next few posts.

I went back to work at the beginning of March and worked from the office a couple of times a week for two weeks. It was so great to see my colleagues in person again! Then San Francisco put the shelter-in-place ordinance into effect and I worked from home for two weeks. By that time, it was clear that my company – in the commercial real estate industry – was going to be negatively and significantly impacted by COVID. With most of the office population relegated to working from home, many of our clients were pulling out of their leases with us. And so, there was a large round of layoffs that included me and my position. While I absolutely loved my job, my team, my boss, and the whole SF office crew, it turned out to be for the best because Bill and I had not yet figured out our long-term childcare solution for when we would both be working all day. And that’s how I became a stay at home mom. I want to make sure we all use the correct language here and that we are all clear on not equating “full time mom” as only limited to “stay at home mom”. All moms are full time moms. Some full time moms also have other full time jobs too, like ones that pay them. 

I love this for me right now: being a stay at home mom. Much of what is so great about it is that Bill works from home and our small family is together all day every day. We can have lunch together, or he can pop out of his office to read a picture book, or sing a song, or change a diaper, or give a quick hug, and it is absolutely wonderful. We truly are very lucky and our privilege does not go unrecognized. We are a white, upper middle class, cisgender hetero couple, and as the events of the past year (and quite frankly the entire history of our country) have made clear, the systems were built for people like us (and more specifically, my husband, as I am an immigrant and a woman) to be just fine. I’m not naïve enough to think that if Georgia goes our way come January, then all will be fixed. But with Joe and Kamala, we are on a great path forward, not only to undo the damage of the last four years (though there is no way to undo the 340,553 American deaths from COVID-19 as the data shows today), but to truly build back better in the hopes that America will one day actually be great for everyone who lives here. 

I write this on the day that my dad, a medical physicist at a prestigious NYC hospital, received his first of two COVID-19 vaccine shots. I am so hopeful for the future, and eager for 2021 to be here already. But not without first celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary tomorrow!

I’ve been playing ultimate frisbee for 15 or so years, and while I’m most definitely not even remotely close to being the best player, I have played at a high level (and even won one (masters) national championship!) with people who are A LOT better than me. Part of my motivation to move to the Bay Area 5 years ago was to try to play among these national and world champions. Even the casual pick up games out here are of the highest level. It was so much fun playing competitively on a club team and competitively in casual leagues and pickup games. Then I moved to Kenya and basically “retired” from club ultimate. Though I did have a lot of fun playing ultimate in Kenya, (read this blog post and this blog post!) the sport is still young there, and so the talent is just emerging. 

When I moved back to the Bay from Kenya at the beginning of 2019, I was itching to play some competitive ultimate again. But at that point, I had basically taken a year off and was in my mid-30s, which made for a hard combination for me to get back into shape — especially considering I was not in world-class shape beforehand. For other, more talented athletes this would not have posed as big of a hurdle, but even before my so-called retirement I have always lagged in the endurance and top speed departments. (I attribute this to my youth as a gymnast, where I needed explosive power not long-lasting power.) It really seemed like a lost cause to try to play on a club team again. I did however play winter league and went to as much pick up as I could. And it was glorious! Then I got pregnant and played* my last tournament at Masters Nationals in July and re-entered retirement. 

*Fun story: I barely played at Masters Nationals because the heat of Denver in July and the altitude of Denver all year round didn’t mix well with my being pregnant. However I did very much enjoy sitting in my chair under the shade tent, snacking on snacks, and cheering on my team! I warmed up with the team and that hour a day was plenty for me. But in 1 of the 5 points I played all weekend was in a game that was randomly on one of the showcase fields and was being announced. I got a pretty sweet defensive catch-block in the endzone – preventing the other team from scoring – and when the announcer said “Krisztina Finn with the block” my teammates excitedly told him that I was pregnant and he made a funny joke, something along the lines of “foul: double team!”. I thought it was very funny and laughed. 

During my pregnancy I was itching to play, and 6 weeks after Kalliszta was born, I laced my cleats back up! My first foray back was at goaltimate pickup with a handful of Team USA members, Callahan winners, and multiple national and world champions. Needless to say, it was hard to keep up. But it was so much fun and felt so good (and people did say they were impressed by my playing and couldn’t even tell I had a baby less than 2 months ago (which was for sure meant as a compliment but I spun it in my head to think “wow I guess I was always this slow and tired”))!

But what I had not fully realized was just how different the pre- and post- baby frisbee experience is. Pre-baby I would commit to showing up for pickup on the google spreadsheet days in advance (so we know we’ll have enough numbers), wake up 20 minutes before the game to pee, get dressed really quick, throw some extra jerseys in my bag in case I need a different color or sleeve length, and fill my water bottle. Post-baby felt like it took an extra half day, if not more, of planning. I would mark myself as a “maybe” on the google sheet because if I ended up not being able to go and people were counting me in the headcount to call game on, I would feel terrible. In the first few months after Kalliszta was born, I was pumping 6+ times a day. I had to start timing my pumps so that 30 minutes before I had to leave, my boobs were full and ready to be emptied. This was tricky and required some “power-pumps”, some longer stretches in between pumps (which is terribly uncomfortable and painful) and half-pumps in the days leading up to the game. So on the morning of, I do my normal getting ready, plus put on a pair of Thinx underwear (pee-absorbing underwear), then do a 30 minute pump session with extra time (10-15 minutes) for hand expression afterwards to get every last drop out that I could. Imagine having full water bottles taped to your chest bouncing up and down while you are trying to run. I certainly don’t need that extra weight and that extra drag mixed with how slow I already am. So I empty out completely, place a cooling gel pad on both my nipples to prevent chafing, put on my tightest sports bra, put on another sports bra on top of that one, and then I am ready to go. Since it is only pickup, I know it will only last about 2-3 hours, after which I speed home because by the end of the game I am full again and have to pump right when I get home. And all of this requires buy-in from Bill, because I am basically out of commission the entire morning leading up to me leaving, then I am gone for hours at a time, and then I have to tend to myself again when I get home (pump and then shower). He of course wants me to go have fun and play, and I am so thankful to have a partner because if I were by myself it would be so difficult to continue my hobby.

For the few single-day tournaments I went to, it is even more complicated. In addition to everything in the above paragraph, I need an extra bag to pack my pump, my external battery for the pump, extra batteries for the external battery, the pieces necessary for pumping (the funnels, the flanges, the bottles, etc.), the storage bottles and lids, ice or a cool place to store the bottles post pump, the “hooter hider” (a piece of fabric that goes around my neck and drapes over my chest to hide whatever is going on below), and some tissues for cleaning up the drippage. And I have to plan my sports bras so that they act like a pumping bra to hold the flanges in place hands-free. I have to wear a looser one on the top to pull down and the tighter one underneath to pull up. And I have to pack an extra loose sports bra for post-pump as somehow the bra pulled down always gets wet during this kind of pump session. I try not to think about this lost milk. I try to time this mid-frisbee pump either in between games or a halftime. Either way, I usually end up missing at least a half a game to go to my car, get all set up, pump and clean myself up. It is a whole big production that uses up a lot of my mental energy. But once I am on the field, this is the only time I have found during motherhood that I fully can let go mentally, not think about anything or anyone, and just play. No thoughts, no worries, just focused on the game and having a great time. And if both Bill and I are going to play, and Kalliszta is coming with us, like when we had goaltimate league in the evenings, forget about it. I won’t even get in to those logistics and packing of stuff and how my brain is occupied with how Kalliszta is doing on the sideline (comfy and cozy asleep in her bassinet) when really I want to be not thinking about anything but playing. Can you even imagine the logistics and packing list to go to a multi-day tournament an airplane ride away postpartum?! I can’t either. Only true heroes have attempted this feat. And I am in great awe. 

I also have to remind myself to not lay out and really avoid any sort of collision with anything or anyone into my boobs. It is not only painful but could lead to more serious problems like a clogged duct, and maybe even mastitis. Luckily I have not experienced either of those. But I did layout/fall during a beach tournament on the sand and I took an injury (I went off the field mid-point) because I got scared. But I was fine! (FYI, I did catch the disc before I called injury.) Another big change is I NEED to cool down and stretch after playing. I normally didn’t stretch because I was rushing home to pump, so it took my body close to a week to recover from a game. 

About 3 months after Kalliszta was born, a global pandemic started which obviously put an end to any sort of ultimate frisbee happenings. Luckily I got in 2 months of some good hard fun frisbee post-birth pre-pandemic. Though the future is uncertain, I am hopeful that one day again we will all be able to play. (I am publishing this post on Memorial Day Weekend because those in the ultimate world know that the College National Championships happen every year on this weekend, and it got me thinking and feeling nostalgic, and feeling sad for current college players as the tournament was obviously canceled this year.)

The purpose of this post is not to complain, but to shed light on what really goes down behind the scenes logistically (and mentally) when a postpartum and/or breastfeeding athlete comes back to a sport. Some serious props to those ladies. You know who you are, and I see you. And I respect the hell out of you.

 

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And now a photo homage to my former self:

Wow, it has been almost 6 months since baby Kalliszta graced our world. Though the country and world outside are a real shit show at the moment, the little world inside our apartment is quite lovely. Since coming home from the hospital on Kalliszta’s third day of life, I have been taking notes in my head about everything I was experiencing and thinking, and only now, after decommissioning myself for 2 full Saturday afternoons, was I able to start attempting a first draft. For brevity’s sake (ha!), I’ve broken down my thoughts into bullet points.

The first 5 days (at home):

• I did not sleep a wink the first 3 nights. 
• When I did finally sleep (poorly at best), I ended up with my arms in the shape of a cradle, like I was holding Kalliszta, and would wake up in a heart palpitating panic because she wasn’t in my arms (but safely asleep in her bassinet where we placed her).
• I would wake up and go to her at her every little movement, louder breath, or noise. On the 4th night we moved the bassinet right next to the bed so I didn’t have to get out of bed to look at her.
• Standing or walking for more than 20 minutes was painful. Sitting was also painful, except this was immediate pain, not after an excess of 20 minutes. And since it hurt to sit and to stand, I did a lot of laying down.
• I cried a lot. I cried because my milk had not come in yet. I cried when my milk started to come in, and I spilled it. I cried because I couldn’t help Kalliszta latch. I cried because I was so tired. I cried because I was scared Kalliszta wouldn’t clear her jaundice. I cried because I was in physical pain. I cried because I didn’t know if Kalliszta knew I was her mom.
• I internally questioned the sanity of women who chose to give birth again.
• I had an irrational fear of the balcony and would not go out there with her.
• Stool softeners became my new best friend. 
• Sitz baths also became my best friend. A Sitz bath is a plastic shallow tub that fits on your toilet above the water level, and you fill it with warm water and just sit in it, relaxing every part of you that has been stretched and stitched. And because it’s so relaxing and I had no control over my muscles, I would immediately pee when I touched the water so I had to dump it and refill it every time. Fun. 
• I held back my sneezes because I would pee. 
• I tried not to laugh or cough or sneeze because IT HURT my vagina very badly.
• Aloe spray and witch hazel pads on top of my hospital grade incontinence maxi pads, changed out every 3ish hours, also became my new best friends. As well as peri-bottles filled with warm water to squirt at myself while peeing and pooping.
• Her name is her name and who she is, and I can’t imagine having named her anything else.
• She was born early, but I didn’t realize how much I missed her until she was in my life, and waiting those three weeks to meet her would have been excruciating.
• While Kalliszta slept, I would stick my face right next to her body every 20 minutes or so to check if she was breathing. She was every time. 
• Yoga poses she has mastered: shavasana
• I love her so much.

The first 5 weeks:

• I continued to sleep poorly at night.
• I was unable to take naps during the day. “They” say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I found that to be mostly impossible because I also have to pump, eat, pump, shower, brush my teeth, poop, pump, etc. Sleep was the lowest on the totem pole.
• My mom was with us for the first 2.5 months and I took full advantage and showered everyday. This was the only thing that made me feel human. My mom, Kalliszta’s Mima, is a rock star and we were so thankful for her help, cooking for the adults, taking over the 4am feed, and being a great and loving support and presence.
• I cried. But less and less. Postpartum depression is very real, even though I only had a very mild case (self-diagnosed). Bill was instrumental in getting me through those moments, and sometimes I just had to cry it out. I cried when I read a book about a dancing giraffe. I cried when I looked in the mirror and saw how I looked (terrible) and how unrecognizable my body had become to myself. I cried because trying to breastfeed was not working, and it stressed me out. I cried because I didn’t want my mom around when I was trying to breastfeed because that stressed me out even more, but that made me feel incredibly guilty because I wanted and needed her around. I cried because my nipples hurt from trying to breastfeed. I cried because my nipples hurt from pumping 6+ times a day. I cried because sometimes I would pump while someone else fed my baby in another room. I cried because I was overwhelmed. I cried because I still didn’t know if Kalliszta knew I was her mom.
• By week 2 I stopped bleeding. But I still wore the mesh undies for another week because my god are they comfortable. 
• At week 2 we switched from the SNS, supplemental nursing system, to finger feeding. I could do a whole blog post about feeding my baby, but a quick summary:
  • Week 1: Supplemental Nursing System (bottle of milk (formula the first day or two, then my milk after that with one feed a day (out of 8) of formula) held up high so gravity pulls milk into the tube that feeds into a plastic nipple shield on my nipple). This led to a lot of spillage because of the plastic shield coming loose. The plastic shield would get full of milk and drip out, making it easy for Kalliszta to get milk without having to latch. 
  • Week 2 and 3: Tube finger feeding with my milk. Instead of milk in the bottle into a tube into a nipple shield, we put the tube into a syringe and put the tube on the tip of our finger. Kalliszta would suck on our finger with the tube, and we would push the syringe to let milk out. This was exhausting, and a careful balancing act of not pushing too much milk or only pushing milk when she was sucking. This went on two weeks too long. 
  • Week 3: Bottle feeding with my milk. Our pediatric nurse agreed with that above sentiment and gave us our first bottle. Kalliszta took to it right away. Her parents were relieved. While I still attempted breastfeeding, we were just not having success. I was in pain, Kalliszta was upset and hungry, I was getting frustrated, and even though we had a few victories (like when we got hands-on help from the lactation consultant) we never had success without the plastic nipple shield. The lactation consultant gave me “permission” to stop trying to breastfeed so that my chapped and sore nipples could heal. She also gave me an ointment to put on them and these shells to wear inside my bra. These shells saved my life. It allowed my nipples to not be touching anything while also collecting dripping milk. 
• At her 3 week check up, the pediatric nurse commented on her, and I quote, “great muscle tone” and her doctor said she has, and I quote, “perfect skin”. Kalliszta is strong and perfect. Apple <-> Tree, not far.

  

• By week 3 sneezes didn’t hurt anymore, but I still peed a little.
• By week 4 I still couldn’t stop my pee flow. 
• By week 5 I could stop my pee flow! Kegels!
• I am so tired and sleep deprived that I can barely do simple math, like recording how much I pump or how much Kalliszta ate or when. Since we were keeping track of her feedings in military time I had to count on my fingers any time that was past 13:00.
• I am so tired that I forget if I pooped that day. 
• Kalliszta makes the cutest noises, like little kitten squeaks! 
• I really disliked pumping. Other than it hurting my nipples until the lactation consultant gave me the ointment and the softshells to wear everyday, I hated that it took me away from Kalliszta when we had people over – I had to go into my room to pump by myself. It was upsetting to me that I had to be displaced in my own home and be separated from Kalliszta, so sometimes I brought her in my room with me to be alone with her while I pumped. 
• While Kalliszta slept, I would stick my face right next to her body every 20 minutes or so to check if she was breathing. She was every time.
• By week 3 she fit into “newborn” sized clothes!
• By week 5 she outgrew her “newborn” sized clothes!
• I love napping with her and twinning with her.
• She loves pooping on daddy. 
• She loves grabbing a hold of mommy’s hair with her superhuman grip.
• She definitely recognizes me and follows me with her eyes!
• Yoga poses she has mastered: shavasana, cobra, up-dog. Yoga poses she is working on: supine twist, locust pose aka superman pose.
• I love her so much.

The first 5 months:

• By now everything just got a lot easier. Or I got used to functioning at half capacity brain function due to lack of sleep, lack of quality of sleep, and physical discomfort (my back constantly hurts from bending over, my knees constantly hurt from squatting down). And now that Kalliszta has been smiling and laughing for a couple of months, the aforementioned personal ailments make it all worth it for that big grin.
• By now I made peace with pumping. As it became clear, maybe 2 months in, that I would become an EP [exclusive pumper] – meaning Kalliszta drinks my breast milk from a bottle – I shifted my mindset around pumping. The 30 minutes 6-7 times a day became my time to watch something on Netflix, listen to some podcasts, and have some “me” time while I am plugged into a machine like a dairy cow. Let’s be clear, this is not necessarily relaxing or comfortable, I have to sit up straight for it to work, so it’s not like I can nap during this time. It is also uncomfortable to be on a computer because of the awkward outward angle I have to keep my arms to get to the keyboard. I can’t have the laptop on my lap because the milk bottles hanging from my breasts don’t leave enough room. I also have to sit in one place while I pump because the machine has to be plugged in. Rarely I would use the crazy heavy battery pack to move around a little so I could brush my teeth, wash some dishes, or do some other essential task, but the battery pack is on a short cord and the machine itself has an awkward carrying handle so moving around and having my hands free while pumping was basically a pipe dream. I did buy another pump that would make mobility easier, but I didn’t like it as much, didn’t work as well, and I just gave up on it. And going anywhere had to be an event timed around my pumping, which would occur about every 3 hours. Lots of logistics and headaches and extra packing. I especially hate pumping anywhere that is not in my home, but have often had to unfortunately pump in the car.
• I am so tired that I forget I put Kalliszta in her bassinet from the floor play mat and freak out when I don’t see her on her mat.
• As selfish as this will sound, I loved having time with Kalliszta all to myself. Once my mom left in mid-January and before Bill’s parents came in late-February, while Bill was at work during the day it was just Kalliszta and me. I had been craving this and needing this alone time with her since she was born, and finally she and I really got the bonding that I needed. 
• A follow-up to the above bullet point: it would have been near impossible to survive the first month solely by myself. I don’t know how single mom’s do it. From physically not being able to move, and being too tired to even make food, I feel fortunate to have a partner and a mom. 
•  By 2 months Kalliszta was socially smiling! Her smiles made for a nice send off for my mom. Kalliszta loved having her early mornings with Mima. 
• Like mother like daughter: we both have FOMO (fear of missing out), and we both are happy when we are clean.
• Like father like daughter: they both will eat leftovers and are not picky about temperature. Kalliszta will drink milk straight from the fridge. 
• One happy family: big poops and stinky farts!
• Bill went back to work on January 2nd (I won’t get in to parental leave right now, but let’s just say I have a lot to say about it), and my mom left on January 15th. On January 16th, after Bill fed Kalliszta her 4am meal while I pumped, I stayed up, did yoga, took a shower, made breakfast for myself and felt I was ready to tackle the day by myself by the time Bill left for work in the morning. I thought this was going to become my easy everyday schedule, but by January 17th I went back to bed after Kalliszta’s 4am feed and didn’t wake up until she did. So much for that. 
• I went back to work in early March and it was wonderful to have Bill’s parents here to help us out and help with childcare during the day while we both worked. It worked out that Bill and I were able to work from home a lot which was really nice. Don’t worry, I will do a whole post about work/working from home.
• There are days I don’t brush my teeth until 4pm because my days looked like a never ending cycle of bottle washing and pumping.  I know all this because we have been recording when and how much milk Kalliszta drinks since she was born. This is a day from early February, at about 3 months. Keep in mind when I say “play on the playmat” it means lots of things, from laying on the playmat looking in the mirror or trying to grab at toys, or holding her in my lap reading to her or singing to her, or sitting in the swing, and usually with some music on in the background:
  • 4am, pump while Bill feeds Kalliszta, take the pumped milk and pour it into storage bottles and label the time and date, go back to sleep
  • 6am, feed Kalliszta, go back to sleep
  • 9am, feed Kalliszta while I pump: this is an awkward set up where I prop Kalliszta up on pillows on the bed while I sit on the bed with my back unsupported and pump. I hated this because I couldn’t cradle Kalliszta in my arms while she ate, and I had to sit with my leg bent under me so I could face Kalliszta and now my knee hurts.
  • 9:40am, change Kalliszta’s diaper and out of her pj’s, come out to the living room for play time on the playmat. 
  • 9:45am, take the pumped milk and pour it into storage bottles and label the time and date; take the oldest storage bottles and pour that into a drinking bottle and label with the time and date; move all the bottles in the fridge down one spot to make room for the new bottle; wash the bottle Kalliszta just drank from and wash the now empty storage bottles. 
  • 10am, cuddle Kalliszta and lay her down for a nap.
  • 10:30am, run a load of baby laundry, fold the clean adult laundry, go pee and put on clean underwear.
  • 11am, feed Kalliszta.
  • 11:30am, change Kalliszta’s diaper and playtime on the playmat, wash the bottle Kalliszta just drank from.
  • 12 noon, drink water, pump sitting uncomfortably on the ground while playing with Kalliszta.
  • 12:40pm, take the pumped milk and pour it into storage bottles and label the time and date; take the oldest storage bottles and pour that into a drinking bottle and label with the time and date; move all the bottles in the fridge down one spot to make room for the new bottle; wash the now empty storage bottles.

    

    

  • 1pm, cuddle Kalliszta and lay her down for a nap.
  • 1:20pm, forgot about the baby laundry, move it to the dryer. 
  • 1:30pm, make breakfast: toast with an egg on it on top of a bed of spinach.
  • 1:45pm, scarf down as much of the food as possible before Kalliszta wakes up standing over the sink while cleaning up after making breakfast.   
  • 2pm, Kalliszta is awake, change her diaper, come out to the living room to play on the playmat. 
  • 2:20pm feed Kalliszta.
  • 2:50pm, drink water, pump sitting uncomfortably on the ground while playing with Kalliszta.
  • 3:30pm, cuddle Kalliszta and lay her down for a nap.
  • 3:40pm, take the pumped milk and pour it into storage bottles and label the time and date; take the oldest storage bottles and pour that into a drinking bottle and label with the time and date; move all the bottles in the fridge down one spot to make room for the new bottle; wash the bottle Kalliszta just drank from and wash the now empty storage bottles.
  • 4pm, brush my teeth while I pee, wash my face, brush my hair, and I am ready for the day! Oh, it’s 4pm. 
  • 4:20pm, Kalliszta is awake, change her diaper.
  • 4:30pm, feed Kalliszta.
  • 5pm, prep the stroller for a walk while Kalliszta plays on the playmat.
  • 5:30pm, head out on a walk to meet daddy at the ferry.
  • 6pm, meet daddy at the ferry while napping in the stroller.
  • 6:30pm, arrive back home, pump while daddy feeds Kalliszta and changes her diaper.
  • 7pm, turn on Jeopardy, take the pumped milk and pour it into storage bottles and label the time and date; take the oldest storage bottles and pour that into a drinking bottle and label with the time and date; move all the bottles in the fridge down one spot to make room for the new bottle; wash the bottle Kalliszta just drank from and wash the now empty storage bottles.
  • 7:30pm, Kalliszta is asleep “for the night” until about midnight, think about making/eating dinner, either mommy or daddy cooks pasta and veggies.
  • 8pm, eat dinner, drink water, remember the baby laundry, take it out from the dryer and fold clothes while watching Netflix.
  • 9pm, throw everything in the dishwasher, start the dishwasher. 
  • 9:30pm, pump while watching Netflix in the living room. 
  • 10:10pm, take the pumped milk and pour it into storage bottles and label the time and date; take the oldest storage bottles and pour that into a drinking bottle and label with the time and date; move all the bottles in the fridge down one spot to make room for the new bottle; wash the now empty storage bottles.
  • 10:30pm internally debate about staying up another one and a half to two hours to zone out in front of the TV until Kalliszta wakes back up, or go to sleep until Kalliszta wakes back up. Your guess about what I did is as good as mine, but I am pretty sure I brush my teeth at this point either way.
  • 12 midnight, Kalliszta wakes up, pump while Bill feeds her, take the pumped milk and pour it into storage bottles and label the time and date; take the oldest storage bottles and pour that into a drinking bottle and label with the time and date; move all the bottles in the fridge down one spot to make room for the new bottle; wash the bottle Kalliszta just drank from and wash the now empty storage bottles.
  • 12:40am go (back?) to sleep
  • Run it back from the top. 
• As of writing this post, I am finally pumping less frequently since we now have a month’s surplus of milk in the freezer.
• Because of the above (the intentional lowering of my milk production to have to pump less), my period came back a little after 5 months and for the first time since getting pregnant my body feels back to normal. My boobs are back to their former selves, thus allowing me to sleep discomfort-free on my belly!
• The emotional struggles of breastfeeding feel like a lifetime ago.
• With the physical and emotional pains of childbirth and recovery behind me, I understand women who chose to give birth again.
• I am extra sensitive to the point of crying when babies and kids are hurt in a TV show or movie. I would obviously be sad before, but now that I have a baby, I feel the pain so deeply. Even when it is a fictional character on a show that I don’t watch. Bill tried to watch The Witcher on Netflix – it was not good so he stopped – but I caught a scene when some lady is holding a baby and some monster is trying to get them so she does a space/time jump and lands in the frozen ocean somewhere and the baby dies and she buries the baby when she gets to shore. I don’t know who these characters are and obviously this is not real, but I could not handle it.
• At about 5 months she moved from her bassinet to her crib! She also naturally weaned herself from the swaddle at like 2 months because she likes to be free!
• She is rolling over from her back to her stomach, arguably the harder roll over!
• Kalliszta laughs and smiles all throughout the day and on my gosh I love her so much. We sing and we laugh together, we read books together, and she practices grabbing things, and she loves talking to herself, and shrieking loudly with delight. I just can’t get enough of her. She is napping in the other room right now and I miss her. It is impossible to express how much I love her. 
• Yoga poses she has mastered: shavasana, cobra, up-dog, supine twist,  locust pose aka superman pose, and happy baby! Yoga poses she is working on: sitting pose, table top.
• At almost 6 months old, she is far cooler than I can ever even dream to be.

 

For your enjoyment:

If there is one thing that everyone can agree on, it’s that 16 weeks of parental leave followed almost immediately by a global pandemic* resulting in shelter-in-place orders makes for the perfect time to rebrand. I now have the time** to do things I’ve been putting off. 

I originally started 9 Months in Nairobi so I would have a space to post long form updates for friends and family during our 9 months in Nairobi. (I’m good at coming up with blog names, huh – just call it what it is.) But those 9 months are far behind us now, and I am no longer in Nairobi. While I did address this issue in the first post-Nairobi blog, I was not ready for a rebranding at the time but really wanted to keep blogging. Turns out I like writing, and while I mostly do it for me, if you find entertainment in it, well then it’s the least I could do. 

This new site, krisztinafinn.com, houses all my previous posts and will be the all-encompassing site consisting of my writing and work going forward, both personal and professional. You’re welcome, world. 

 

*The global COVID-19 pandemic is nothing to be flippant about as many lives have been deeply impacted, but I do appreciate finding the silver lining and contributing some #content to the non-pandemic content desert we are in.

**10 minutes every few days during nap time IFF all the other million things have already been taken care of. 

*8 months and 5 days (36 weeks and 5 days) in my belly.

@ 7:15am Wednesday, November 6, 2019 – 36 weeks 2 days in my belly:

My blood pressure is taken at a routine 36 week check up with our Nurse Practitioner Valerie at UCSF Mission Bay. It is higher than my normal 120ish/70ish. Valerie knows that Bill and I bike to our appointments and asked if we had biked over. When I told her that I had stopped biking on Friday of the week prior, she expressed concern over the elevated number: 144/92. Since there is high blood pressure (BP) in my family history, I was always worried about my BP even though I had a very healthy and uncomplicated pregnancy until this check up. Concerned but not alarmed, Valerie sends us to Triage at the Birth Center to continue monitoring me and Zoltron for the next hour and a half or so.

At Triage, I am hooked up to a BP monitor that squeezes my arm at 10 or 15 minute intervals taking continuous readings. They also put a monitor on my finger to measure my pulse. And they hook up the antenatal testing monitors to my belly: one to monitor any contractions and one to monitor Zoltron’s heart rate. Z’s normal heart rate, like all healthy babies, fluctuates between like 130 and 150 beats per minute. During this monitoring phase, Z’s heart rates are great, but my blood pressure is not going down. But it’s not going up either… until the attending doctor comes in to tell me her recommendation: induce labor on Tuesday (after the Monday Veteran’s Day holiday) when I will be 37 weeks and 1 day along. I stress out so much at this news that I begin sobbing uncontrollably – and that’s when the BP monitor starts up again. Amazing timing. The reading of my BP is now like 170 over something else, which is crazy high and very alarming. Bill manages to calm me down, and the subsequent BP readings over the next half hour/hour go back down to my new normal of high but not alarming high as we wait for the lab results of my urine and blood. Bloodwork comes back normal as does the urine sample. With this news, and the fact that my BP spiked only that once during that moment of hysteria, the attending was fine with continuing forward with the plan to wait until 37 weeks and induce next Tuesday with an appointment for monitoring in two days on Friday. My homework was to get a BP monitor to check my numbers until I was back on Friday.

It was now 11am-ish and Bill and I were discharged and we went to gather our thoughts and get organized in the waiting room. We called my mom – who had a flight booked from where she lives in New York to San Francisco in two weeks – to ask her to change her flight to be here by Tuesday, November 11th, my official induction day. After our game planning, we had to get to work, so we leave the hospital. That day at work I finish up my Parental Leave Transition Plan so that everyone knows where to find what, or who to ask for what in my absence and email the team that I will be starting my parental leave on Tuesday after the holiday. I also tidy up my desk and label my name on my foot rest (which is an upside-down wooden slat box thing from IKEA that I found laying around the office not being used) and my desk chair. Hopefully I still have those things when I get back to work in 16 weeks.

On my walk to the ferry to go home in the evening, I stop at Walgreens and pick up a BP monitor. Bill ordered one on Amazon immediately after we were discharged because the doctor told us to, but Valerie called me during the day following up on what went down in Triage and she advised I start monitoring my BP asap, and not wait til tomorrow after work (when I would be able to pick up the Amazon Prime package).

@ 9:00pm-ish:

Over the previous weekend and evenings, Bill has been crossing off things of our “Pre-Zoltron To-Do” Wunderlist, like setting up the bassinet and other baby prep stuff. He also prepared the hospital bag, and I figured I might as well put my clothes in there right now so I could do other prep over the weekend. Things on the weekend to-do list included a very detailed and extensive deep clean of the apartment, like dusting every single surface in all rooms by removing all items on shelves, etc. and dusting underneath them with a Clorox wipe, vacuuming everywhere, Clorox wiping all handles (doors, fridge, cabinets, drawers, etc.) and general tidying up. At this point in my pregnancy such physical work – not to mention the Clorox chemical fumes – was not recommended, so instead of making Bill do it all, I hired a cleaning crew on Thumbtack. Also happening that weekend was the delivery of our new CB2 rocking chair for which we had to be present. Not a problem, since I would be home anyway overseeing the cleaners. And I wanted to finish reading the Emily Oster book Cribsheets about delivery and baby’s first year. So it was going to be a productive weekend leading up to Induction Tuesday!

@ 8:40am Thursday, November 7, 2019 – 36 weeks 3 days in my belly:

After taking my BP (still in the new normal high-ish range), I take the later 8:40am ferry to work since (a) I had wrapped up most of my projects; (b) clients moved in to their new offices on November 1st; and (c) I handed off projects to colleagues and didn’t have much left to do. (There is always so much to do, but everything was nicely tied up at this point.) Also, today was our Design Team Offsite starting at noon: a brainstorming session / year in review / look ahead to 2020 to establish goals and initiatives, etc., and I really wanted to contribute to the discussions. We eat lunch during this session and then pack up to go to our team building activity of spinning pottery!

@ 2:30pm:

I arrive, along with my Design Team members, to the pottery place in the Mission District in San Francisco. I hadn’t taken my BP since the morning, so I was anxious to take the measurement. We pile out of the Uber and into the art space, and there’s lots of commotion as we all start getting ready to spin some bowls. I take my BP really quickly, so I can join back in on the fun. Well, it was probably user error and the fact that I hadn’t sat down to relax and catch my breath, but my numbers were spiked even higher than yesterday and eerily close to the threshold number above which I was informed to call triage at the hospital asap. This stresses me out, so without waiting, I take my BP again, and this time the number is even higher, and now over the threshold. I call Bill with this news to get his opinion if I should call the hospital or if I should just go home to rest. We decide to call the hospital, and they tell me to come to triage right now for monitoring. I call Bill back, and we plan to meet at the hospital right away. I bid adieu to my design team colleagues and jump in an Uber.

@ 4pm:

Bill biked over from his office, and he is already at the hospital when I get dropped off. We go up to Triage together to check in, and we are led to a room for more of the same monitoring like yesterday: blood drawn, pee taken, finger pulse monitoring, blood pressure monitoring, and Zoltron heart rate monitoring. All labs come back normal, but the attending doc is worried about the BP escalating and turning into preeclampsia and tells us that she recommends we get admitted and begin inducing now. I had mentally prepared myself for this possibility and was not caught off guard like I was the day before. In fact I sort of suspected it would happen because just that morning my pre-natal vitamins ran out, I blow dried my hair which is not something I have done for like a year and my hair was going to look good for at least the rest of the day if not all of labor, and I wore my comfy sneaker shoes instead of the ones that would better suit my outfit that day. My only regret was my outfit: I was glad I wore my pregnancy leggings under this black dress, but I was kicking myself for wearing this dress that was uncomfortable in my armpits after a full day of wearing it. I requested a hospital gown immediately which was so super comfy that it didn’t even matter what I wore that day.

@ 5:30-ish pm:

Bill and I are escorted over to the Labor and Delivery unit of the hospital. The entire Birth Center is on the 3rd floor, and Labor and Delivery is just down the hall from Triage. When we found out I was pregnant, we obviously researched all hospitals in the Bay Area, and UCSF was far and away the best hospital. For proof, watch this virtual tour of the Birth Center. We are put in room 6, and we start making a new plan while doctors and nurses come in and out of the room to prep for all that is to come. The new plan had Bill heading home later in the evening to get our stuff – since all we had with us were our work backpacks, Bill’s bike, and nothing else. We brainstorm other things needed from home that we hadn’t yet put in the go bag, like my crocs, my travel-sized shower stuff, and red zip-up ultimate hoodie for comfort. We also get a lay of the land from our nurse. She shows us the food menu and old school phone to call in our food orders (and that we are limited to 2 trays at a time unless we want to pay $9 for an extra tray), she shows us how to work the fancy adjustable bed with the nurse call button, she shows us how to convert the lounge table and chair into a bed for support person Bill, she gets us linens for Bill’s bed, and she shows us how to work the fancy TV. She also gives us an approximate timeline of potential events that take place during induction.

@ 6:00-ish pm:

Step one is to get my IV in. A young nurse finds a big vein on my left wrist and attempts over and over in multiple locations on my left wrist to put the IV catheter in to no avail and much pain. She apologizes and calls in a more experienced nurse who tells me my veins are big with big valves which apparently makes it harder to put in this darn thing. The second nurse has success, but she has to put it on my right wrist, and it was super painful. And once it is in, it is really painful and uncomfortable and I have to ice it. It is right at the bend in my wrist so I can’t even move my right hand really, and I am right handed! All this pain just from inserting the IV made me and Bill very concerned about the rest of labor because we haven’t even actually started! Once the IV is in, the nurses get the normal IV hydrating fluids and a magnesium drip going. The magnesium is to get my blood pressure down (and reduce the risk of the 1% chance I had of having a seizure) and will need to be continuously flowing until 24 hours after I give birth. From now until then, I will be hooked up to the IV making trips to the bathroom a bit cumbersome, as I have to bring the whole IV pole with me.

Apparently my chart said that I had preeclampsia as that’s what the nurses and doctors said. But I (and Bill) really don’t think I did. What I really had was gestational hypertension. My only symptom was high blood pressure. If I had preeclampsia, I would also have either some sort of protein in my urine (which I never had) and / or something come up in my bloodwork (which never did as all my enzymes were always in the normal range). I would also have one or all of these symptoms which I didn’t have: blurry vision, pain under my right rib where my liver is, and a headache that doesn’t go away with headache medicine. I only sometimes had a headache, which could have been due to the magnesium which has an effect to make a person “loopy” as described by the nurse, but it would go away almost all the way with pain killers. Anyway, the only cure for both gestational hypertension and preeclampsia is to give birth (specifically of the placenta). And there is no known prevention. So from now on, all nurses and doctors talked about my pre-e, but I really honestly think it was so all the interventions could be justified for insurance reasons. And every time a new nurse, doctor, midwife, anyone came in to talk to me, they always asked if I had blurry vision / pain under my right rib / a headache. It got to be exhausting and repetitive because there is basically someone coming in every 30 minutes or so to check this, replace that, ask me this, so I could never really rest or sleep for longer stretches.

@ 8:00-ish pm:

This was the perfect time for Bill to go back home to pick up our hospital bag. He had his bike, so he bikes home after a quick stop at his office to pack up his desk: a small complication in that his company was moving offices the next week when he would already be on parental leave, so he had to go back quickly to throw stuff in a box. Then he goes home, packs a few more things, and brings a few surprises as well!

@ 9:30-ish pm:

Bill is back! He also grabs the 2 cozy blankets from our couch and it really made a HUGE difference in making the hospital room feel even more comfortable. The labor and delivery rooms at UCSF are actually really comfortable and very well designed. Every room has a window that has plants and greenery beyond, there are multiple lighting options so that you can have that soft white light glow, the colors and materials used reflect that of nature, not a sterile hospital environment. I commented on the great room design often to Bill, every time I noticed something else. His last minute blanket grab was the best move and kept us both warm. Bill is so smart. He also grabbed a photo of us up at the top of Kilimanjaro, as motivation for when labor gets rough so that I remember I can do really hard physical accomplishments. It was a very sweet gesture that I appreciated. But maybe next time he’ll grab a less stress inducing photo of us, maybe one from a day on which I showered.  😉

Induction has officially started as I take another oral misoprostol pill, which is a pill I am given every 2 hours over the course of 8 hours to soften, or ripen, my cervix. This whole first part with the miso pill is really just waiting for it to take effect over the next many hours. It is during this pain free waiting period that Bill and I talk names. We thought we were going to have 3 more weeks to pick a name for Zoltron, and now was the perfect time to discuss our top candidates. We had already agreed on a boy name, and partly because of that, I guessed that we are probably having a girl. We both kept coming back to the name Kalliszta (pronounced like Calista Flockhart, minus the Flockhart: like Ka-list-uh, not Ka-least-uh) because we love that it was not a made up name but a rare name. We liked that it means “most beautiful” and we love the Hungarian spelling of it because it can still be phonetically sounded out in English by Americans. We love how it is a “K” name with an “sz” like my name, and it has two “L”s like Bill’s name. While we plan to always call her by her whole name, if she insists on a nickname, Kalli is cute too. She was born in California after all.

@ 11:45-ish pm:

I’m given another miso pill, and around now the anesthesiologist comes in to talk to me about my pain management options. At UCSF you don’t have a specific doctor for labor and delivery, you just have whichever nurses and doctors are on shift at that moment. Shifts are in 12 hour stretches, usually from 7-7. Because we wouldn’t know who would be in the labor and delivery room with us, I had very specifically – in our birth plan – requested for only female providers. Our birth plan was hung on the wall under the whiteboard with all our other information on there. Most nurses were aware of our plan – like we don’t know the sex of the baby, I am open to pain control, we don’t want to keep the placenta, and answers to other questions like that – and some nurses asked to double check our wants. The anesthesiologist (Dr. C) was male, but I was fine with that because he is a drug doctor, not a baby delivery doctor. In my mind, it doesn’t make sense for a man to be an OB/GYN because if a patient says to him something like “it feels like even more painful menstrual cramps” he would have no idea what that is, no frame of reference of what that pain feels like. Much like I have no idea what it feels like to be kicked in the balls, even though I grew up watching America’s Funniest Home Videos and know that it’s hilarious (at least to the people around the poor fellow). My request for only female providers in my room was otherwise honored.

Dr. C ran through the pain management options, and I said I will want an epidural. I had to sign something saying that if anything went wrong and I needed a blood transfusion that I would be ok with that. I was surprised that I had to sign something saying I wanted my life to be saved in the event of an emergency and not the other way around. Anyway, that ended up being a moot point as there was no emergency, and my life was not in danger at any point. He also talked through the epidural process and made sure to tell me that once he cleans my lower back with some sterilizing substance, I have to make sure not to touch my back. He said – in a tone of voice that was not really judge-y but more like he can’t believe this – that people always want to touch their back after it has been cleaned. Well let me tell you Mr Dr, that when you are in the throes of labor contraction pains, often that excruciating pain is felt in your lower back, and when you hurt somewhere, a very natural reaction is to hold or grab that part of you that hurts. If he were a woman who has been in labor before, that is something he would have known, which proves my earlier point.

@ 3:00-ish am Friday, November 8, 2019 – 36 weeks 4 days in my belly:

The thing about being induced and going into labor, giving birth, and postpartum recovery at the hospital is every 30 minutes to an hour you have someone coming in the room to do something: deliver food, mop the floors, take your temperature, do something on the computer, talk to you about your pain, etc. At 3am, a team of nurses, doctors, and a midwife came in to talk about the next step: the Foley balloon. Since Bill and I had been given a big picture overview of what my induction and labor could potentially look like, and I knew this was the step before Pitocin (more on that in a bit). The Foley balloon, which I also knew about from the UCSF labor prep classes Bill and I took, is a long skinny balloon, like a clown/balloon artist uses to make balloon animals only way thicker, that is placed inside my cervix, and filled to a certain size with water. Now that the miso pill has ripened, or softened, my cervix, it was ready to begin opening. The balloon gets this opening going by falling out when my cervix reaches 3cm dilated. I was ok with this happening, and so the resident doctor did the first attempt at placing the balloon. She did not have success, so the attending doctor stepped in and very swiftly and quickly got it set up in place. Now it is time for more waiting.

@ 4:00-ish am:

My blood is drawn again, and my liver enzymes are still completely normal. I have a headache, and since there is nothing to do but wait for the balloon to do its opening of my cervix, I take Tylenol for my head and Benadryl to make me drowsy to help me sleep. This was going to be the last time I really got this opportunity – or so it felt. We turn on Netflix and watch that holiday movie about Charlotte from Sex and the City going to Africa where she works at an elephant orphanage and meets Rob Lowe. I slept through much of the second half.

@ 8:00-ish am:

Last, or second to last miso pill. I get up to pee and notice a lot more blood than what has become normal with the Foley balloon. I call the nurse.

@ 9:40-ish am:

The blood was because the balloon had fallen out of my cervix (yay) but not my vagina and got stuck (boo). The nurse, or midwife, took it out and was happy to announce that my cervix was now 3cm dilated. She also notes that Zoltron is still a bit high up and does an ultrasound to confirm Z’s position (head down per usual).

Bill and I order breakfast. The thing about hospital food is that, as expected, it is not great, but also it is very inconsistent. We were in the hospital so long that I found my “favorites”, and they were always different. The stack of pancakes never came with the same amount of pancakes. Neither did the hashbrowns nor bacon, and if you wanted syrup with your pancakes, you had to specify that.

@ 11:30-ish am:

Now it’s time to add a small, regular dosage of Pitocin drip to my IV. Pitocin is a labor induction synthetic drug that simulates oxytocin, the body’s hormone that naturally induces contractions. Every hour and a half, the dosage, which is measured as milliunits per minute, is increased slightly. 30 is the max, and I am started at 6. With the Pitocin, we now have to consistently monitor Zoltron’s heart rate, so the two monitors are placed on my belly and secured by elastic bands.

@ 2:30-ish pm:

Emily comes to visit! She works across the street at the newly built Dropbox offices, and she brings some snacks for us. We hang out for an hour or less (it is a work day after all). Pitocin is now upped to 8, and it’s more waiting and chilling, as contractions are barely felt at this point.

@ 6:00-ish pm:

Every hour the Pitocin is upped by 2 so I am now at 16 milliunits. A team of a resident doctor, a midwife, and a resident midwife come in to manually break my water. While the doctors seem as though they want want to hurry me along, I want to delay for as long as possible for two reasons: my mom lands tomorrow evening around 7pm and I want my mommy here, and I think the longer Zoltron stays inside me, the better it must be for Zoltron’s development even though the doctors say that is worse for me. I disliked the bedside manner of the head resident doctor who basically was telling me what to do instead giving me a recommendation of what to do and told her I wanted to see and talk to the attending doctor. And, no, I did not want my water broken right now.

@ 6:45-ish pm:

Pitocin is at 18 milliunits per minute.

@ 11:00-ish pm:

The head attending doctor comes in to share her outlook and perspective and further convinces me that breaking the bag of waters is the right next step. Bill and I discuss it and decide to follow the doctors recommendation. She says she will send the team back in later in the evening. I am also given campazine for my headache and nausea.

@ 11:30-ish pm:

Pitocin is at 20 milliunits per minute. Remember, the max limit is 30. Bill and I take a couple of slow walking laps around the labor and delivery unit.

@ 2:00-ish am Saturday, November 9, 2019 – 36 weeks 5 days in my belly:

Zoltron’s heart rate dropped, so the nurse dropped the Pitocin all the way down to 12. I was put on oxygen for an hour. I mostly slept during this hour but since I had grown used to the sound of Zoltron’s fast normal heartbeat, I asked the nurse to keep the volume up and the monitor showing the fluctuations on a graph on, so that I can also keep an eye on it. Over the course of my induction and labor, I had the monitoring devices on me and I would jolt awake at the sound of Zoltron’s heart rate dropping. This happened only a few of times, but it felt good to know I was so instinctually connected and in tune with Zoltron. When that happened, I would change my position to help Zoltron be more comfortable, and this always worked.

@ 3:45-ish am:

The doctor manually breaks my water. You know what a crocheting needle looks like? That’s basically what they use to to break my bag of waters. It didn’t really hurt but just felt uncomfortable, and then sort of nice with all that warm water and blood rushing out of me.

This marks the beginning of the most intense pain I have ever felt. At this point I was only 4 centimeters or so dilated, and so I still had a long way to go. The contractions were getting more and more intense to the point where I felt we had left our cozy labor room for another room that was a sterile dungeon of torture. I remember laying on my right side, squeezing Bill’s hand, and writhing in pain clutching my lower back and screaming. I remember my nurse, a jaded yet experience Jamaican lady, kept trying to ask me questions and talk to me during a contraction and I couldn’t answer her and also didn’t want to because I was annoyed at the rude timing of the question. She recommended I try a small does of Fentanyl, and after she assured us there were no real side effects for the baby, I agreed. Well, either the dose was so small or my contractions were so intense that the narcotic helped for maybe 5 contractions and then stopped working. I was upset I let myself be talked into it, and it didn’t even do anything. It didn’t actually make the pain feel lessened, but made the pain free moments between contractions feel like a more intense calm. Bill makes a hilarious joke that was meant to be serious and helpful comparing the pain I was feeling to bike riding up Hawk Hill, to which I reply unamused and a little peeved “it’s nothing like that.” Bill laughed really hard at my response and tone. In hind sight it was funny. But seriously, active labor contractions are nothing like riding a bike up a hill. Bill and I both enjoy Type 2 Fun* like biking up hills, but childbirth is like Type Infinity Fun.

“(*Type I Fun is enjoyable while it’s happening. Also known as, simply, fun.
Type II Fun is miserable while it’s happening, but fun in retrospect.
Type III Fun is not fun at all. Not even in retrospect.)”

My nurse then told us it was time for an epidural. This was music to my ears, and I was thankful for her recommendation because I really didn’t know about the optimal timing for it. The pain during these two hours was so intense, and the nurse apparently told Bill I wasn’t going to make it. I very much appreciated her experience at this point.

The same anesthesiologist comes in, and in between contractions I follow his directions. Sit up, hunch shoulders, don’t touch my back – then a contraction came and my arm had to be held down so I wouldn’t touch my back. He puts the catheter in my back and administers the epidural. It feels a little bit like a cold drop of water sliding up and down in one line on your back near your spine. It is almost instant relief. Afterwards, he and the other anesthesiologist are having a friendly debate about how to apply the bandages to my back in the most aesthetically pleasing way. At first I don’t know what they are going back and forth about and why they are messing around on my back which was a bit scary, so I was relieved to know it was something so trivial.

The thing with epidurals is that you are basically numb from the waist down. It feels a little bit like when a limb falls asleep, but less tingly and uncomfortable. And since you can’t feel your legs, you are bed ridden until you are unplugged from the epidural IV. This means no going to the bathroom, so a catheter is placed inside me for my pee. Up until now, I would drag my IV pole with me to the bathroom to pee, and I peed into a little “hat” in the toilet to measure how much I was going. I would leave the pee and blood mixture in there for the nurse to record and dump out. Fun job. Catheter peeing is way easier. And for some other medical reason I don’t know, you can no longer eat solid foods after an epidural, only clear liquids like Gatorade, apple juice, water, and popsicles. The popsicles were a hit with me, and I was super pumped to eat them. However since I was also on that magnesium drip, my fluid intake had to be monitored and kept below a certain level. After the epidural, we sleep during a movie, and things are basically calm for the next few hours. It was glorious.

@ 7:00-ish am:

5 centimeters dilated and a blood draw.

@ 8:30-ish am:

Bloodwork comes back and is in the normal range. Not sure why the doctors are still saying I have preeclampsia when my blood and urine are normal. But whatever, anyway, it’s fine.

@ 9:00-ish am:

Zoltron’s heart rate dipped. I was put on oxygen again and changed positions as the Pitocin was dropped to 10. Until I give birth the Pitocin levels were constantly being adjusted up and down, from about 8 to 11.

@ 10:00-ish am:

9 centimeters dilated. The midwife says maybe a couple more hours until 10.

@ 12:00-ish pm:

My cervix is almost completely dilated. There are a couple of numbers or measurements the doctors are looking for before pushing can begin: how much your cervix is dilated and your baby’s station. Station is how low the baby is in the pelvis, and goes from 3 to -3. At -3 baby is ready to come out. Zoltron is still at 0 station or so. My nurse Mulva went on a quick lunch break, and her relief nurse came in to introduce herself in case I need anything in this next hour. Her name was Courtney, and it turned out she is best friends with my nurse practitioner Valerie! This made me happy in that it felt like I had someone I know in my corner. She had a great positive energy I appreciated.

@ 2:00-ish pm:

It is time to start pushing!

The attending midwife teaches me how to push: big breath in, then hold it for 10 seconds as I push (like imagine a push like I’m pooping except not), then repeat 2 more times, and that counts as one push. So one push lasts about 35 seconds. But 35 very intense seconds. The midwife, my nurse Mulva, and Bill all cheer me on. Courtney even comes in to support me. They all help me time the pushing to coincide with my contractions, which are monitored along with Zoltron’s heart rate. We try a variety of positions to help Zoltron come out. We try a bar, we try a sitting up squatting position (the birthing bed can bend and flip into crazy positions to support lots of labor positions), and a couple of others. The best one for me was laying back at a 45 degree angle, with my feet pushing against the poles of the bar with my knees up and bent holding on under my knees and pulling up against them during a push. It was a full body workout: legs, core, arms.

Now, keep in mind that I had an epidural about 8 hours ago and therefore hadn’t eaten anything since. I only had 4 popsicles, some small sips of a nasty Gatorade, and water. Remember, since I am on the Magnesium drip, I have to limit my water intake for some reason. Imagine doing 2 hours of very intense repetitive physical work on barely any energy from food and feeling dehydrated. It is incredibly exhausting.

Z was almost in the correct position, Z’s head was down but Z’s body was sort of sideways. The midwife did a quick ultrasound to confirm this position. On some pushes the midwife would grab Z’s head and twist while pushing Z from my belly. Some pushes are more successful and some are not. The midwife suggests that I should see what I am doing in a mirror, and it was a great suggestion. It was crazy seeing the top of Zoltron’s head inside me and watching me push and my muscles contract in the mirror and Zoltron getting lower was so helpful. I was able to visualize my pushing when we took the mirror down. And the faces of the ladies around me, nodding and smiling and cheers of “go go go push push push yeah yeah yeah that’s it” was also very helpful for me. I respond very well to that kind of positive encouragement (thanks to years of ultimate)! The medical team comments on what a great partner Bill is because he is so encouraging and helpful, cheering me on and telling me how great I was doing. He really is the best.

@ 3:30ish pm:

The attending doctor Tushani comes in to assess, as I have been pushing for 2 hours and Zoltron’s heart rate would drop during some of the pushes. She tells me that babies are resilient to this, but only for so long. I really should only be pushing a few more times because Zoltron really needs to be out now. She lays out options and her recommendations. The options are vaginal assisted delivery with either forceps or vacuum. Forceps were out because of the shape of my pelvis or something like that, so vacuum it was. Bill and I had learned about this during our labor and delivery classes, and I wasn’t too nervous. Tushani was awesome, and I really trusted her. She said that if the vacuum doesn’t work, we will have to do an emergency C-section, so we will have to move my bed across the hall to the operating room (OR) just in case. Tushani allows me to push for another 30 minutes, and because I knew Zoltron could be in trouble, I worked harder than I ever had in my life. I gave everything I had those last 30 minutes of pushing. All my providers comment on how strong and good of a pusher I am. This made me feel good about myself. Even Tushani later commented on how much of a difference those last 30 minutes of my really hard pushing made. The medical team here see births all day every day and for them to comment on this must mean I really was doing a good job. Zoltron was *almost* out, but it was time for the next and last intervention.

I am wheeled over in the bed to the OR. Bill is given head-to-toe scrubs, including over his hair and feet. Over the course of 2 minutes, the room goes from 4 people to about 15. My sweet nurse Mulva, Courtney, the midwife, Tushani, and a bunch of other people: another doctor, more nurses, 3 pediatricians, 2 anesthesiologists, probably another doctor or surgeon or 2 in case the C-section happens, and me and Bill. Tushani stops everyone and reviews what is about to happen: vacuum assisted delivery and other medical words and checks. Everyone jumps into action and as they prep whatever they are in charge of prepping. Bill and I hold hands and look and smile at each other, despite me being very nervous. Bill tells me I can do it and that we are ready and I have been doing so great. I am a little scared but mostly ready, and the adrenaline has me forgetting how physically tired I am.

@ 4:36 pm Saturday, November 9, 2019 – 36 weeks 5 days in my belly – 48 HOURS AFTER ARRIVING TO THE HOSPITAL:

Everyone is ready to go and with the vacuum on Zoltron’s noggin, Tushani tells me that when I feel another contraction and am ready to push to let her know. I say I’m ready and take a huge deep breath and Courtney and team yells “Push!”. I start pushing for 10 seconds, take another breath, push for 10 seconds, take one more deep breath and as I push, Kalliszta makes her debut into the world. Tushani announces excitedly “it’s a girl!” and everyone is cheering and smiling and so happy. She is immediately placed on my chest, and we hear her make a crying sound, and Bill and I look at her and each other, and he says that is the greatest sound he has ever heard. With tears in his eyes, we nod to each other that Kalliszta is her name because she is the most beautiful. After the quick rest on my chest, the pediatricians rush Kalliszta 10 feet away to the newborn table to check her vitals and clear her passageways. Bill goes with her and watches all this. She is now screaming wailing, and we are so relieved at that sound. I barely remember the clean up and aftermath of the birth, and, moments after her arrival, the room clears as fast as it filled. Courtney says you want that – if all the medical staff had to stay in the room that would mean something was wrong.

Kalliszta is placed back on my chest, and I am wheeled back over to our labor room #6 where we spent the past 2 days. She and I lay skin-to-skin for an hour, and nurse Mulva reminds us to order dinner because in 2 hours we will have to move to another room in the Recovery wing. She also does her assessments of Kalliszta, shots and vaccines, and everything else. The next hour she lays skin-to-skin with Bill while I eat dinner. We are so happy and relieved and overwhelmed and excited and in a daze really. We send an update to our family WhatsApp group with the happy news and pictures. My mom, who was on a JetBlue flight, had in-flight wi-fi and could follow along with all of our updates. Her flight attendant congratulated her and was very excited for her to become a grandma!! While it would have been amazing to have my mom present for my labor and delivery, she would have had to wait while Bill and I went to the operating room, and that would have been so incredibly nerve-wracking that it actually worked out best this way because as soon as we were moved to our recovery room she arrived at the hospital, so the timing was perfect!

Kalliszta is here, and all seems right with the world. The next 3 nights are spent in Recovery, which in itself is another blog post as long as this one. While I do plan on writing it because so much happened —

• jaundice: it was treated with in-room “biliblanket” therapy, where Kalliszta was swaddled with a blue light underneath her. Since Kalliszta is “late pre-term” and was very small and skinny at 5lbs 6oz at birth, and because she and I have different blood types, she was very susceptible to jaundice. In addition to the blanket, we had to pump her full of food to poop out the biliruben, with those black tar-like brand new baby poops. Her jaundice eventually went away and she is all healthy!
• an ultrasound for a back dimple scare but all was normal,
• two very satisfying poops for me with the help of a stool softener (thanks to both Bill and my mom for helping wipe my butt each time #truelove),
• a world changing shower for me,
• learning how to feed Kalliszta,
• 4 people in one room (luckily there was a very comfortable nursing recliner my mom slept on and Bill on the pull out bed)
• my body in lots of pain with the normal lots of blood
• so much more

— I have a beautiful wonderful newborn I have to attend to, so that blog post and other posts about the joys and struggles of first few days and weeks, will just have to wait.

It’s likely that the idiom “when it rains it pours” refers to bad things seeming like they happen all at the same time, but I’m repurposing it for when great things happen at the same time! I could look it up but I won’t. The last post I wrote was many months ago right before I started my new job and right before Bill and I moved in to our new apartment. Since then so many other great things happened!

Around the end of March we had to go to New York for my work on-boarding, since that happens at the global HQ. We were there over Bill’s birthday, and stayed for about 10 days. I work at a company called Knotel, and I am so happy to be out of the traditional architecture firm scene, but really happy to still be doing architecture. The company is a “real estate tech startup” that takes up long-term commercial leases, does a full renovation, then sub-leases it out to a company in need of a new or expanded office. My title is Workplace Strategy Manager, and I am involved in much of the process of the full tenant improvement and working with the client to make our space work for them. The San Francisco office where I work is the most successful location of the global firm, and it feels good to contribute to the success. We are a small team of about 30ish people but we are really crushing it! The job is a lot of work, and it is pretty stressful, since we are making a lot of it up as we go, but it is a lot of fun and feels rewarding. Plus, our office is 2 blocks from Bill’s office! Our commutes are the best because we commute together!

Our new apartment is pretty cookie-cutter, but we like it a lot. We especially love how close it is to the ferry. We ride our bikes to the boat, put our bikes on the boat, sit on the clean and pleasant ferry to San Francisco, then bike about 10-15 minutes to our offices. It is a great way to get to work. It takes about 20 minutes longer than BART (the Bay Area Rapid Transit subway system) and is about $1 more each way, but it is clean, it is pleasant, delays are super rare, you always get a seat, and there’s free wifi.

April and May brought guests! Gregg came out for a long weekend for fun and activities. We went to a baseball game (I got nachos!) and a magic show! Bill and I had been to this magic show before, but it is SO good we were excited to go again! Rich and Kaitlan, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, also came out to visit for a fun long weekend. We went on a hike in the Berkeley Hills, rode bikes over the Golden Gate Bridge, went up to Napa Valley for more bike rides, delicious food and drinks, and a 2 hour massage and facial pampering session. It was so much fun to spend quality time together. And we got to see them again a few months later in June when Bill and I went back to Chicago!

I convinced my work that I should go to a conference for commercial interiors called NeoCon in Chicago and that I shouldn’t pay for it, and they agreed! I was sponsored by our incredible furniture vendors, and they put us up in a great hotel, had planned events like an architecture boat tour, happy hour, cooking class, and more happy hours, outside of the normal conference. It was really awesome. I had never been to NeoCon and it was a really great experience. Bill and I flew out the weekend before the conference, so we could spend time in the burbs with the family. We LOVE spending time with our amazing and energetic nephews and niece. It was SO fun! We then moved to the city for a few days during the conference but then back out to the burbs after it ended and flew back that weekend. It was a whirlwind, but a really great week in Chicago. We got to see lots of friends multiple times, and spend time with family (despite having to work during the days).

Love this picture.

Beep beep!

July brought another trip to New York. Bill’s parents were going to visit my parents for the holiday weekend, and we decided to crash their party. We wanted in on the fun too! I worked from headquarters and Bill worked remotely, but we took a couple days off too. July 4th was on Thursday, so we took Wednesday and Friday off for a full 5 day vacation! We landed late on Monday night and had to go to work on Tuesday, but we had a great family dinner in my parents’ tiny New England style house’s dining room that evening. I asked Bill if he wanted to show off his card tricks that he has been working on. He did a couple of very impressive card tricks, but ended the magic show with the most impressive of all! He had his mom pick a card, show all of us, memorize it, then put it back in the deck. He then had her look on the bookshelf behind him to look for her card and she found an oversized card folder. Inside the folder was another oversized card. Was it her card?! Nope. It was an even better card! What card was it? It was the WE’RE HAVING A BABY – COMING DECEMBER 2019 of Hearts card!!! It was the best surprise and such a fun way of announcing to our families in person together! (Actually, Rich and Kaitlan already knew because I didn’t drink on our Napa Valley wine country excursion, and they did a great job keeping the secret!) Everyone was so happy. There were hugs and tears and so much excitement.

The rest of the week was full of fun family hang outs, like going to my mom’s museum – the Hudson River Museum – having lunch at a restaurant right on the Hudson River, going to see the musical the Book of Mormon (it was funny and the actors were so talented, and I can see why it won all those Tonys, but it seemed like it was vulgar for vulgarity’s sake, and not really contributing to the story progression, but I’m not a Broadway critic), walked in Central Park on July 4th (the city was EMPTY!), ate lots of food, watched fireworks, watched the USWNT take names and be boss, and just enjoyed being together. We drove up to Albany to drop of Bob and Judy at the airport (they flew out of Albany because on their way in they made a stop in Upstate to visit a friend) on Friday and mostly relaxed the rest of the weekend before work on Monday and Tuesday. We went to the community pool, went to the city to play board games and have dinner with friends, decorated cookies that my mom made just for us to have fun decorating cookies, went to an Abba cover band concert, saw more friends and their new baby, and then flew back to SF and went straight to the office on Wednesday. Bill and I told our respective managers of our happy news and everyone is so happy and excited for us! We are too <3.

At the time of this blog post, I am 22 weeks along, so that’s more than halfway! We have decided not to find out the gender and be surprised once Zoltron is here. We also don’t want to limit Zoltron to societal constructs of gender (you know, girls wear pink and are sweet and boys wear blue and are strong). Babies are babies and we want to nurture Zoltron to grow into whoever and whatever Zoltron wants to be regardless of how they identify. Zoltron is what we are calling our superhero robot baby by the way, which is a combination of a Hungarian boy’s name and a Transformer. We love Zoltron. Zoltron loves having dance parties, getting the hiccups, and moving around. Zoltron is still a little too tiny for me to feel all movements, but bigger flips and pushing off I can feel! Zoltron has been a dream so far – no morning sickness, no vomiting, no debilitating nausea, no weird food cravings, no weird food sensitivities, nothing. The first trimester though I was really tired. Walking up a flight of stairs would have me crazy exhausted and I would sleep until noon on Saturdays! Bill would go play ultimate at 8:30am and come back around 11 and find me in the same place in bed sleeping/resting. I would get up when he told me the blueberry pancakes were ready. He really is the best.

Zoltron is brewing up just wonderfully. All organs are there, all my bloodwork testing for a million different things all came back negative (<- that’s good, it means there is nothing wrong), and we are both healthy! Zoltron is in the 53rd percentile of weight and length, which is exactly average, growing perfectly! (This is the only time this tiger mom will accept average. Just kidding! But also you’re taking every AP and Honors class just a heads up.) That was reassuring because Bill is a whole foot taller than me, has a big head, and was a big baby himself, and it is possible I might start to worry about getting a big superhero robot baby out of me! But I trust UCSF, our amazing hospital, to know what to do when the time comes. Bill and I will also be as prepared as we can be, but in general we are taking things pretty easy. The only books I read are the two by Emily Oster, an economics professor at Brown who did the hard work of compiling data on everything pregnancy and childbirth and infancy so families can make their own decisions based on statistics. There is a lot of wrong information out there on the internet and lots of outdated information out there in the minds of well-meaning people, so her books, Expecting Better and Cribsheets, lay out the numbers for readers to make their own decisions based on facts and non-biased analysis. Parenthood, and motherhood specifically, seems to invite judgement from everyone, and the words in the books empower the reader to not feel judged when making an informed decision that is right for their family. What is right for you and your family might not be right for me and my family, and yet we are both right! Imagine that!

Bill and I are so happy and so lucky and really looking forward to all that is to come! There’s still lots of logistics and things to work out, but for now, and probably forever, we will just live it up one day at a time.

 

In preparation/inspiration for this blog post, I re-read every single post I’ve written. 2018 was a really big year for me and I sure hope 2019 will be just as big. I mean, it will definitely be very different (more “normal”*), but I hope it is still exciting enough to write blog posts. But also, if it isn’t, that’ll be great too. I am honestly so looking forward to living a predictable life, since the past 2 months were filled with so much uncertainty.

A week after Bill and I got married, we flew back to California. I still didn’t have a job and we still didn’t have a place to live, but we went straight to Bill’s work’s 1920’s themed holiday party after a quick shower once we landed in SF. Our wonderful friends let us crash at their beautiful home with their two adorable sons for the first few days while we looked for apartments. We ended up booking an AirBnB for a couple of weeks hoping that during that time we would find a great spot to call home. That was overly optimistic. I was also hoping that during that time I would find a job. That too was overly optimistic.

Not having a job these past two months has been demoralizing. Job searching is stressful and interviewing but not getting the job doesn’t make you feel good about yourself. It is really hard. And since I was trying to make a slight career pivot, from working at a traditional architecture firm to be in-house as a design and project manager for a (tech) company, I was picky as to which positions and companies I was applying to. This only added to the pressure I put on myself, and definitely made me question myself. I started having feelings I never felt before in my life, like feeling like a loser and imaging Bill thinking I was dead weight. (To clarify, he didn’t and doesn’t, but I just felt like that.) I convinced myself that January is a hard month to be job searching, and apartment or house searching, in general. By the time February rolled around, both searches were gaining more traction, so I started to feel a little better, but only slightly. Moving from AirBnB to AirBnB and living out of suitcases has really started to wear on me. It doesn’t feel good to be so unsettled. Ever since we got back from Kenya in November, we have been living out of our suitcases. That’s 4 months of a limited outfit rotation. But it is not about the lack of outfit variety and more about the lack of feeling settled. And being alone all day every weekday while Bill is at work in a tiny apartment that is not mine, that is sparsely decorated, in a neighborhood I am unfamiliar with, has definitely gotten to me. I noticed myself getting excited over the most boring happenings of the day, like when I walked to the grocery store and found tennis racket shaped pasta. Realizing that was the highlight of my day was a profound bummer.

In between apartment visits and job applications, and to distract myself from those stressful things, I bought $50 worth of face washes and creams and anti-wrinkle creams and pro-firm skin cream to see if that would help me feel (and look) better, I played lots and lots of frisbee which always makes me happy, wrote thank you cards (which we still have to mail), rode my bike up a hill (for that sweet and glorious downhill rush), hung out with friends at lunches/dinners, went on a hike with friends, downloaded the Lime app to ride a Lime scooter, ate a bunch of the most delicious salsa (Casa Sanchez), and binged some shows. My good friend Emily, who visited us in Kenya and who you might remember from the wedding and mugging blog posts, moved to SF to start a great job and has treated me to a couple of free lunches! It is very generous of her but mostly it is great to hang out with her. I am selfishly very glad she is here because she always knows what to say to make me feel better about myself. I have some really great friends. We hung out in the East Bay one night soon after I arrived to California to play board games at a board game bar. As we were leaving, I brought up the fact that I think/feel I have some residual PTSD** from the mugging and I am scared of being outside alone at night. My friend Tovah, who drove to the board game bar, offered to escort me home (I was on my bike). I kept trying to be brave and refusing, but she refused my refusal. She drove (out of her way) behind me while I biked the mile back to the AirBnB. I was very thankful she did that for me. Since then, I have been getting better. I know how terrible humans are at assessing risk, and though the likelihood of something bad happening is very low, my perception of it is heightened. Realizing this, and listening to fewer true crime podcasts, has been really helpful. Though I’m never giving up My Favorite Murder.

 

 

By the end of February, we found an apartment we loved in Jack London Square in Oakland, and my job search was inching toward an offer. And as March, our birthday month, rolled around, things finally started coming together: we see the end of suitcase living in sight! Move in day is on the 22nd, 3 days after I start my new job. Yup! You read correctly! I officially accepted a job offer – on my birthday – at a real estate startup designing workplaces! I was so happy to go out that night to a brewery to celebrate my birthday and my new job with food and drinks and friends. Having work and a home just on the horizon feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I am excited about this company and my position, and looking forward writing a blog post about a couple of months in once I know what I am doing. (Do we ever really know what we are doing?) And I am so excited for Bill’s parents to come to town before I start my job, and I hope the weather cooperates. It will be so nice spending quality time with them, and being able to be present in the moment and not have to worry about housing or work. I can’t wait to see them soon!

 

*Normal means such vastly different things for different people. I am referring to what has been normal to me in my life.

** Not having been diagnosed by a medical professional, I do not mean to be flippant or offensive. I respect that it is a very serious disorder that affects many different people in many different ways and do not throw the term around loosely.

Where were we… oh yes! The greatest day of my life. Let’s continue:

On Monday morning I tried to sleep in a tiny bit but couldn’t really. I go to the party suite, have breakfast, chat a bit, take a shower (but don’t wash my hair per the orders of the hair lady), say “seeya later!” to Bill, then head down to the bridal suite – a big room with huge windows that we used as our getting ready room and storage room. It was upstairs in the main hotel building right across the hall from the ballroom where the reception would be and behind the nice lounge where our cocktail hour would be which was convenient because I kept checking in on the progress of the ballroom, and things were looking beautiful. It was during the getting ready time that I deeply felt the missing presence of one of my best friends and bridesmaids. Just a day or so earlier she had a medical emergency and wasn’t cleared by the doctors (or me and the other bridesmaids for that matter) to get on an airplane and be in a wedding. She is back to healthy now, but it was scary, and I really really really missed her all weekend. She did however send a video of her doing a wiggle in her bridesmaid dress and it made me smile but also cry.

Everyone’s hair and makeup gets done and then it’s my turn. I did a trial with the professionals a month or so back, which I thought would be a waste of time and money but was great actually because my makeup on that trial day was waaaaaaaay TOO much – I came out looking like my alter ego: a beautiful and confident drag queen named Mimi Elizabeth with fake lashes and high cheekbones. I told the makeup lady to tone it all waaaaaay down, as the look I was going for was more of a natural beauty. It’s ironic that we need makeup to make us look natural, but it’s what society tells us we have to do #pinktax. The makeup lady did a great job, and I felt – and obviously was – really beautiful! She even hid that forehead zit pretty well.

The plan was to do all the wedding photos before the ceremony so that Bill and I wouldn’t miss any part of our own party. We had planned to do the “first look” photos at 3:30pm where Bill would be waiting downstairs in the main lobby of the hotel and I walk down the grand staircase all dressed up to meet him in new outfit number 4, the actual wedding dress. I really liked my dress because it was lacy, sparkly, and it fit like a glove. It was so beautiful, and I looked really beautiful, and more importantly Bill thought it was beautiful and that I looked really beautiful. Good thing too because the alterations (to take it IN!!! – the dress came off of the mannequin so that made me feel good – and shorten it, and fix the shoulders, and put in an invisible zipper, and add a bustle and whatever else) cost almost as much as the dress. I could probably have done a million more push-ups in the days leading up to the wedding so that my arms looked more toned, but it’s fine, that’s just what my arms look like. Bill and I get our “first look” on the stairs/in the lobby, I cry, and then we ready for a photoshoot! We go back up the grand staircase and head over to the Red Oak Mansion.

The Red Oak Mansion is part of the hotel, and everything about the hotel was just awesome. It was a beautiful space and it couldn’t have been a better venue. Because this was a winter wedding and a New Year’s Eve wedding, it was important to us that no one would have to drive to their accommodations or even go outside if the weather was terrible. The hotel complex was made up of 3 buildings, all connected by these interior bridges, so we were able to go from the Red Oak Mansion where the ceremony was, to the main hotel building where the cocktail hour and reception was (and this main building also has the lobby, the restaurant, the pool, and other function rooms), to the guest room building where all the sleeping rooms were obviously. I loved that everything was inside but it still felt like totally different venues, to me at least. The Renaissance Westchester Hotel comes highly recommended for your venue needs, and the Events team clearly knew what they were doing. Oh man, the hotel was literally perfect and so great… although…

There was a harsh phone call with the front desk manager on Saturday afternoon when I found out that 3 rooms of Bill’s family were NOT on the 4th floor, and I flipped out* (*read: had a very angry one-sided conversation where I told the manager that I was guaranteed by the Events department that everyone in our hotel block would be on the 4th floor, so I don’t care where the communication breakdown was, I need it fixed in that all guests arriving from now on need to be on the 4th floor and those that are not need to have the option to move). The one thing that was important to me was that everyone was together and felt included, which partly meant we were all on the 4th floor. I understood the front desk wanting to give each customer an excellent check-in experience in that as soon as they arrive they are given a room right away. I get it. As someone who flipped out** (**read: silently was angry to myself/Bill and left such a bad review on the in-room customer satisfaction sheet that the next morning the manager was waiting outside of our room to apologize) once for NOT having a room ready upon arrival to a super fancy safari lodge, I get that in the hospitality industry the default is to give a room right away to travelers who are sweaty and need to poop. That phone call was my only Bridezilla moment, which I think is fine because it wasn’t about me, but about our guests. From my understanding, everyone was given a room on the 4th floor because the hotel staff made sure the 4th floor rooms were ready and cleaned first. And IF a room wasn’t ready upon a guest’s arrival, I think they were given the option to check in to another room on a different floor or wait until their room was ready. But since we had the party room/hospitality suite, folks waited for their room to be ready in there, with the food, drinks, music, friends, etc. So that was good.

So now Bill and I are doing some photos around the inside of the hotel. Pro Tip: Winter Weddings are great because everywhere you go will have some sort of decoration with lights or greenery. And because we were in New York, a lot of the holiday decorations are non-denominational, they are just wintery, so it was perfect for photo time. I mean, places will have a tree, but it will be silver or gold or white and not red and green. Then in the Red Oak Mansion I am told to stand in one spot and for the next hour or hour and a half, and we do pictures with everyone and they have to come to me and Bill. The one picture we didn’t get that I am sad about was one with my parents AND Bill’s parents. There was a lot of chaos and commotion and by this point I was no longer in charge of anything, so it was inevitable something would get missed. Pictures wrap up 30-60 minutes or so before guests start arriving, and I don’t really remember much of that time other than the whole wedding party hanging out in the anteroom behind the ceremony room with music and an air of excitement. But before everyone started to hang out in that room, I remember having a really great poop that set me up for success for the rest of the night because I didn’t have to go again! Then it was time for the ceremony. It was such a great feeling walking down the aisle with my dad with Bill waiting up there for me and with all the family and friends around us!

Things I remember about the ceremony:

• I cried a lot: I would look at Bill and start to tear up so I would look slightly to my right and see my mom crying so then I would look back to Bill and now I was right where I started. I had one tiny crinkled tissue I used the whole time and I could have used five more at least.
• I loved that our guests who spoke words of wisdom did such a great job. I was so honored they all agreed to be part of our ceremony.
• My godmother’s son (my godbrother?) Tamás was the celebrant, and he did such an incredible job leading the ceremony. Bill and I wrote our own ceremony, and my mom translated it to Hungarian, and Tamás was so fantastic reading in both English and Hungarian. Wow. I was blown away and people told us what a great job he did. I agree. Bill and I did forget to put in the part to say everyone can sit down, since they stood up when my dad and I walked down the aisle. Oops! But people did sit down after the opening words anyway so that was fine.
• I kind of wished I had changed the lighting for the ceremony, but we left all the lights on so that the photographer didn’t need to use a flash during the ceremony. Hopefully the professional pictures come out great because the lighting definitely felt a little harsh.
• Bill and I watched the video that my uncle and family friend took (köszönöm Feri és Béla!) and I was very thankful for my sister. She took her job as Maid of Honor very seriously because she fanned out my dress train behind me, and then she did it again after the words of wisdom because I turned my body to face the audience and I messed it up. Thanks Angie! ❤
• I could have spoken a little louder during our vows but the tears in my eyes were making it hard to read the words!
• I wasn’t in love with the carpet with the brown and yellow leafy pattern. The scale of the pattern was just wrong. And the stark contrasting colors didn’t help. Or maybe it was the harsh lighting. Oh well, there’s always photoshop I guess.

Then we kiss and lead the way to the party! We walk down the long hallway/bridge to the cocktail hour. Instead of a receiving line that would slow down people getting to the drinks, Bill and I stand in one spot so that people can come up to us if they want. We talk to guests, they bring us food, and they bring us drinks. Important side note: my Hungarian family brought like 20 bottles of Hungarian palinka (schnopps) that the bartenders were serving to those who dared, which I thought was awesome. If you have never tried palinka before, it tastes and feels like what nail polish remover smells like: pure alcohol burning your throat with a slight aftertaste of whatever fruit it claims to be made of, but that part might just be in my head. It really clears all your sinuses though. One of my favorite parts of the wedding details was the Table Trivia that Bill and I came up with! Instead of the traditional table numbers, each person’s name card had a trivia question on it, and the answer to the trivia was the name of their table. Some questions were probably too easy, but they were all getable, and somehow related to Bill and me. I was surprised there was less talk about that, because I thought that trivia activity would be a bigger hit. But I think the copious amounts of pre-seated-dinner food was the highlight of the cocktail hour. And the open bar.

The Events team shows me and Bill the grand ballroom before everyone goes in, and it is SO beautiful! It was perfect with the lighting, and the centerpieces, and the table settings with the HAND PAINTED COOKIES for EVERY SINGLE GUEST courtesy of my mom and grandma! Our sweetheart table had a cool fancy white loveseat, a big hand painted cookie, and two giraffes hugging (thanks Aunt Kathie!), plus lots of beautiful flowers. We go back out to the cocktail lounge and then all the guests are shown in to the ballroom. Everyone found their trivia answers and seats. Then the DJ announces each bridal party member, and then Bill and I walk/strut in and take center stage to do our first dance. We dance to two songs that Bill edited to flow together into one. He is so good at computers. We don’t do anything too fancy, just some spins and more different kinds of spins, and a dip or two. Every time we practiced I would cry happy tears so we couldn’t really get too fancy with the choreography. But I think it was just perfect! And I also still cry when I hear the songs. Then my dad and I do the father daughter dance. We dance to a song by the Hungarian Beatles called Illés about this guy who doesn’t really know where he is going (on the street, in life, you get it) and the chorus is him saying “but where, but where, but where am I going” and my dad and I are shrugging looking around during this part, and then the last part he figures out where he is going because he is going to his partner and going to be with his partner, and during this part my dad and I go to get our respective partners (my mom and Bill), pull them on stage, and dance with them! While I don’t support the couple-normative narrative of the song because people can know where they are going whether or not they choose to have a partner, it is a great and upbeat song. Then Bill and his mom danced the mother son dance to a sweet song and I’m pretty sure his mom cried the whole time, because I did.

The dinner gets served, toasts are made by Bill’s brother and my sister, cake gets cut, photo booth gets a lot of love the whole night, drinks get drank, and songs are danced to. I wished there was more time to get to walk around to talk to every single person during dinner and after. But I had to eat too, and it felt like there was so much going on and I could only be in one place at once. But there were a few conversations where people brought up this blog and how much they (and their moms, like Mrs. Debbie Kolb!) like it, and how they are fans, and that felt good! #DarrenP #JP #Eric #mymom. I enjoyed the dinner but the cake even more so – we had two kinds and I liked the “Crumbella Deville” vanilla cake, almond cheesecake filling, Michigan tart cherries, streusel crumbs cake the best and I ate a lot of it. I actually kept eating if after the wedding, because it tasted great and didn’t want to wait a year to eat it. #marshmallowexperiementfailure. Plus I didn’t eat all of it because it was a whole cake top, so there is at least half of it in the freezer at my parents’ house for eating later. Anyway, enough about the delicious cake. My dream for this wedding was for everyone to have a great time and that everyone makes it to midnight. Mind you we had guests age 2 to 82 and still my dream came true!!!!!! Every single person, from kid to retired kid, had a fun time and stayed up/at the party (asleep in strollers/parents’ arms)! My oldest nephew even said that when he grows up he wants to throw a big fun party like this too! One thing that helped guests have fun is that everyone invited is a good and fun person, and I think the weekend events leading up to the wedding allowed everyone to meet and get to know each other and it was like people were old friends by the time the reception came around. Also, we had glow in the dark balloons which are hours of fun for all ages. When my mom showed me that she had bought two packs of them, I really questioned it, but around 10:30/11pm people started blowing them up and they took the party from a 10 out of 10 to an 11 out of 10. Lesson learned: never doubt moms.

Speaking of moms, I am dedicating this paragraph to my mom who, for the past 6 months, in addition to being a full time nanny of 3 kids, the only things she did were for the wedding, for Bill and I, for our guests, and for the great event. She did so much for me and for everyone. I mean she frickin’ drove to Kentucky to take a cookie making workshop to hand paint cookies for all the guests. Plus endless trips to Costco and Michaels and Ikea and fabric stores, and arranging shuttles and hotels (not just the wedding hotel but in the city too for after the wedding) for my non-English speaking family, and arranging everything with the Hungarian photographer from travel and lodging and schedule and whatever else there was before, during, and after the whole weekend. I honestly don’t know how she did it – and even those last 5 days when she only had one working hand (remember, she slammed her finger in the car door and it rendered her right hand almost useless). From initiating all the organizing with the venue (remember how Bill and I lived in Kenya for most of the time leading up to the wedding), to planning for every guests’ needs at the hotel and beyond, to thinking of details that I missed, to organizing and driving everyone everywhere on the days after the wedding, she made the whole weekend so memorable and I am so grateful to her. There is no way I will ever be able to repay her for all her work. She is the kind of person who, if Bill or I need something, she will drop everything and go miles and hours out of her way to make sure we are happy. She is always putting other people first, and I was so happy that on the day of the wedding, she took the time for herself and was able to put aside planning and prepping to just enjoy herself and have the best time. Someone who also had the best time: my dad! I loved that he had so much fun, and him having so much fun made me have more fun and I’m glad he enjoyed it because he sure paid a lot for it! I’ll take this moment to thank my parents and Bill’s parents again for their very large monetary contributions towards all things wedding. It was unnecessary but incredibly appreciated. We are very lucky to have such wonderful people as parents. We love you Mom and Dad and Mom and Dad!!

Now we are an hour away from midnight, so it’s time for our outfit change. I put on new outfit number 5, a party dress with oversized white-pinkish sequins and bright pink high tops that light up. Bill loved this dress too! Bill puts on his sequins vest and we are ready to go back to the party and dance it up for another two hours! The waiters pass out the champagne, and guests go get the noisemakers and NYE hats and glasses so we can ring in the new year in proper attire. At midnight the DJ plays the customary Auld Lang Syne and follows it up with the Hungarian national anthem as is customary in Hungary. My family really liked that we did that. Then we go straight into Katy Perry’s Firework. Not only is that a fitting song for New Year’s Eve because of the fireworks, but the video was filmed in beautiful Budapest. Filling out the 7 page document that the DJ emailed us was a fun activity to do together with Bill and Spotify. At 1am the party shuts down, (in that we have to leave the ballroom) so we grab the leftover alcohol and head back to the party suite. Some guests stayed up til 4 or 5, but Bill and I had to tap out of the party suite around 2am, even though the party was still going strong!

Let’s skip to the next morning when we all meet back up in the party suite for breakfast, with me in sort-of-new outfit number 6. Technically the sweater I was wearing, a millennial pink with a slight sparkle, was a rented piece, but I ended up keeping it. Shoutout to Bill’s dad who did an extra grocery run for some more supplies and food. After we eat, chat with guests, and relive fun memories of the day and days before, it’s time for Bill and I, and our photographer Janos, to go to the city for a photoshoot – so I got to wear new outfit number 4 again! You may remember Janos from the engagement blog post, because he is the same photographer! Bill and I get dressed back up (hooray I got to wear new outfit number 4 again!), and we pile into my sister’s car and head to Brooklyn Bridge Park. Major shoutout, thanks, and props, to my sister Angela and my bridesmaid Emily for giving up their ENTIRE day to help us on this photoshoot. They held our stuff, held Janos’ flash equipment thing, they fixed our clothing, and basically did everything that was helpful in moving the photoshoot along and making it a success. THANK YOU Emily and Angela, could not have done it without you!! It really was incredible what you did for us. It was a fun day, and we can’t wait to see the pictures. Luckily Emily is an amazing photographer herself and snapped a few good ones too. It was a long day as we hit up some major sights in the city. And in Times Square, random people were taking our picture too! Pretty sure they thought we were celebrities. 

And the fun didn’t stop there on January 1st, as family and friends were still in town for the next few days/week so there were a few more opportunities for quality time together. Bill and I stayed at the hotel until the 2nd, which was good that we had some extra time to get all our stuff together before moving back in with mom and dad for a week. That morning, Bill’s parents, his brother, his brother’s wife, and their 4 kids come over to our suite for breakfast. It was really nice to just be with them since we didn’t get to spend more time together earlier in the weekend. Over the next few days, we do some NYC sightseeing, meet up with family who have now moved into hotels in the city, and go to eat Ethiopian food. I’m sure other things happened too, but that’s all I can remember right now. A week after the greatest day of our lives, Bill and I pack up our suitcases once again, and move across the country. Things on the to do list in California: change both of our middle names to my maiden last name, change my last name to Bill’s last name, find me a job, find us a residential dwelling, play some frisbee on the beach.

Overall, the entire weekend and experience was so wonderful and memorable and I am so happy and thankful to everyone: I am still riding the high, and I hope it never fades. 100% satisfied, would recommend.

 

I wish I could Groundhog Day the whole Wedding Weekend so that I can relive it over and over and over again – it was the greatest most incredible weekend of my entire life. It was so much fun and almost everything was perfect!

Bill and I decided to have our wedding on New Year’s Eve day because we love a good party, and because most of my Hungarian family would have time off work. Most Europeans have the week between Christmas and New Year’s off, and because New Year’s Day was on a Tuesday, most people would be taking the last three days of that week off as well, making for a nice amount of time for a trip to New York!

Christmas day was on a Tuesday, and on Wednesday morning my family and I jumped into action despite my dad having strained his knee by accidentally missing the last step walking to the driveway and my mom having an almost broken finger thanks to the car door. We dropped off a million boxes of things I had been organizing for the weekend events with our event manager Erica. I don’t even remember what all was in those boxes, but we sure had a lot of stuff! Everything was organized and labeled by date and event and location.

In the morning on Thursday before everyone’s flights landed, I went to get a mani-pedi, a hair trim, and a soup from Hale & Hearty which is a very non-special New York chain lunch place. When I worked in New York I would go to Hale & Hearty almost every day and get their non-special chicken vegetable soup with noodles. It was my favorite lunch because, as the name suggests, it was hearty, and also delicious. They put dill in the chicken soup which, in my humble opinion, is the most underutilized herb in general. But dill really makes a big flavor difference. I encourage you all to use more of it. They also have those delicious hexagonal oyster crackers – which you used to not have to pay for but now you do – that get the good kind of soggy in your soup and it adds to the heartiness. Anyway, this post is about Wedding Weekend, not soup.

After my errands, Bill and I met up at the marriage bureau by city hall to submit our application for our marriage license! He came straight from the airport, as we spent Christmas with our respective families. It was the longest stretch of time we had not been together, and that was really hard and I didn’t enjoy him being away from me for so long. But now he’s legally bound to be with me forever. Hooray!!!

We checked in to our hotel suite on Thursday after we got back from the city and went straight to the hotel restaurant for dinner. My mom had organized a 15 passenger fancy car to pick up my Hungarian family from the airport who were all on the same flight to bring them to the hotel. They had arrived and checked in by the time Bill and I made it there, so we had dinner together, along with Bill’s aunt Laurie and uncle Kevin. It was wonderful! Upon arrival to the hotel, all our guests were given a welcome bag with lots of chocolates and other slightly healthier snacks, a postcard sized magnetic calendar with our picture on it so everyone has to look at us everyday on their refrigerators, small waters, hand sanitizer and tissues because it is winter and germs are everywhere. I hope people liked those bags.

 

On Friday morning, Bill and I host breakfast in our suite. Huge shoutout to my mom who made multiple food runs and made sure everyone had the kind of food they like to eat for breakfast (chestnut puree for my uncle, olives for my cousin’s kids, etc.). She also purchased a Keurig coffee maker and a 4-piece toaster so coffee and toast is easy and fast. She had Hungarian sausage, LOTS of bread, lots of spreads for the bread, cheese, meats, juices, milk, coffee, veggies, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember. The point is, no one went hungry.

Friday was the first full day of Wedding Weekend, which was called Ferry Friday. I had perfectly scheduled a sight-seeing morning on two of NYC’s ferries and an afternoon downtown for whomever wanted to join. And it was perfect – except that it rained all day. And at times it poured. But I like to think that it made us even closer – the experience of toughing out the rain together made for a real bonding day. We were a group of 20 people, with a mix of Bill’s family and mine, and friends. We took the train from White Plains station to Grand Central. From there we walked to the East River Ferry terminal at 35th street. This was about a 20 minute walk and we JUST made the ferry. The next one wouldn’t come for another 40 minutes and I didn’t have a backup plan if we missed the boat. The train ride was about 35 minutes, and we arrived to Grand Central about 40 minutes before the ferry departure time. I thought 20 minutes in Grand Central would be enough time – for pictures and peeing – and if we had another 5 minutes we wouldn’t have had to run the last block to get the boat. But we made it! We are now on the East River Ferry with an opportunity to dry off. The second half of the ride is the most impressive as we go underneath the Williamsburg Bridge, the Manhattan Bridge, and the Brooklyn Bridge, and we get amazing views of the financial district skyline. Even with the rain and overcast fog, it was still impressive. We get off the ferry at the Wall Street pier and walk 5-10 minutes to our indoor lunch destination. During this walk my umbrella breaks because it was so windy. I was using it as my tour guide stick, holding it up so that group members further behind me could still see where to go. Even after it broke, I held it up as we walked for the rest of the day – unopened – in the rain so that people could see where I was. I think it confused strangers to see a person holding an unopened umbrella up in the pouring rain.

The indoor lunch spot was in the basement level of an office building, so it had a variety of fast yet good lunch options. My Hungarian family opted for Chipotle, and obviously they loved it. After an hour for lunch, we walk across the street to the Staten Island Ferry. We actually let one ferry go in the hopes that Bill’s brother, his wife, their 4 kids, and his parents make it down to take the ferry with us. But after many mishaps with NYC public transportation (subway stations are not stroller friendly and signs can be confusing and there are always delays around the holidays) they did not make it to the ferry on Friday. Our group rides the free ferry and we get our close up views of the beautiful and strong Statue of Liberty. It is unfortunate that her words no longer ring true for our country.

After a round trip on the Staten Island Ferry, we walk up to Ground Zero, passing the Bull (waiting in line to take a picture with the back end), the NY Stock Exchange, Wall Street, pass through the Oculus, and visit the reflecting pools and the survivor tree. After nearly an hour or two of walking in the rain and fighting crowds, we are ready to sit inside. The original plan was to go up to Rockafeller to see the tree and the lights, but it is too wet at this point. Instead, we head up to a food and drink hall 2 hours before I had scheduled near Grand Central called Urbanspace. But it was great because we were able to get two big tables, and we snack and drink and dry off. The time flew by and before we knew it, it was time to take the train back up to the hotel. We had purchased “off-peak” train tickets, so we spent all that time sitting and eating and drinking to pass the time until it became off-peak time. Plus, it was happy hour so my dad bought a few rounds of oysters!! (I don’t like seafood, but I was happy that those who enjoy it got to eat it, and some of my Hungarian family tried it for the first time to mixed reviews.)

 

Bill and I host breakfast in our room again on Saturday morning. This time there are even more people as more family and friends start arriving. Today was Skating Saturday, as we had made a reservation to ice skate in Bryant Park in the morning. We had a big group of 35 or so people today, but we all made it on the train to Grand Central! Bryant Park is a 5 minute walk from Grand Central so I lead the big group with the broken umbrella to the park. I jump to the front of the line, and after a few minutes the staff at the skating rink give us our wristbands and we go inside to get our skates. It was a bit chaotic with the lines and the tickets, but the point was we had pre-paid so we really didn’t have to wait. The party people who were not skating found chairs and tables near the edge of the rink which was awesome because they could see all the skating action! It was fun skating by them waving to all the cameras, like they were the paparazzi! Plus the weather was BEAUTIFUL so sitting outside in the sunshine in this park oasis in the middle of the city was awesome. We had more friends meet us there too, so that was a lot of fun! AND! My nephews and niece, and brother-in-law, sister-in-law, mom-in-law, and dad-in-law came too! The ice rink has these snowperson and penguin plastic skating buddies so that kids can hold the handles and the adult pushes them. That made it fun for everyone! We skate for an hour or so, I don’t exactly know. It was pretty free flowing, in that people could do whatever they wanted when they felt like they skated enough. After skating, people went off in groups to see and do what they wanted before our joint bachelor-bachelorette party later in the early evening. I got to hang out with Colin, my oldest nephew. When we were hanging out in Chicago we talked about the fun things we could do in New York, and I told him that the two of us would eat pizza. But not just any pizza – a real New York slice. The kind that costs $0.99 and is classically delicious. He and I walk to a place a few blocks south of Bryant Park, get our 2 slices and a water for $2.75, and eat standing up at the counter because there are no chairs in 99 cent pizza establishments. We talk all things Harry Potter and I hope he thinks I’m cool because I can geek out about HP with the best of them. On the way back to the park to meet back up with Bill and the gang, we get distracted by a NY gift shop so we peak around in there but don’t buy anything.

The younger kids are now due for a nap, so Bill and I walk his brother’s family and his parents back to Grand Central so they can go back to their AirBnB near the hotel. As we are crossing the street with like 100 other people, a car tries to make a left turn and gets really close to hitting the stroller and other pedestrians. This enraged me and Bill’s dad who were right behind the stroller and we both yell at the driver who had his window down and I repeatedly smack his car with my huge but broken umbrella. Just being in New York brings out the New Yorker in everyone and I love that.

The afternoon passed quickly and it was time to go to Bill’s and my joint bachelor-bachelorette party. It was at the newest location of this board game beer bar called Clinton Hall, and it was AWESOME and I got to wear new outfit number 1! We got the whole upstairs for our group, and people could come and go, get food or drinks as they wanted, and we played lots of fun games like giant Uno and Hungry Hungry Hippos to name a few. It was really really fun! We started early so that we were able to end at a normal time and not get back to the hotel in the suburbs at a crazy hour. Lots of family and friends rolled through, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves! Two of my bridesmaids organized the reservation and organized and led some really fun games. They were those Newlywed Show type games where questions are asked about one person to be answered by the other. I think Bill and I did really well, and I was so thankful for my friends to have provided fun entertainment and made sure we had a great party. #thanksemilyandmia

Sunday Funday was left open with no planned group events. I wanted to sleep in a bit, which I didn’t, because I wanted to hang out with people at breakfast! By Sunday we had checked in to our party suite, which the hotel gave to us for free. It was great because the room was open all weekend for hanging out, playing games, eating, and drinking. The room had a mini-kitchen, a big couch, a dining table and obviously a bathroom. It was perfect. And it was always stocked with food and coffee and chocolate (thanks mom!) and beer (thanks Robbie and mom and Geoff and whoever else!). My Sunday was spent going back to my parents house to get the rest of the stuff needed for the wedding – I packed the car full of stuff. Back at the hotel, Bill and I unpack the stuff and set up the ceremony room. We also discussed other set up stuff with the event managers. Also the flowers were delivered and they were beautiful! In the early afternoon, after decorating ugly sweater cookies, we go swimming with our nephews and niece. I really wanted to go swimming all weekend and I’m glad there was time to! Then the three masseuses I hired on Thumbtack arrive for massages for my ladies who wanted them. After an hour of being pampered in essential oils, I jump in the shower, put on new outfit number 2 which was made in Kenya, and run down to the rehearsal ceremony! Bill was in charge of the rehearsal and it was great! We had a lot of people there because we had asked 15 people, family and friends, to say a pre-determined saying during the ceremony so we had to practice the order and the timing. We had all different words of wisdoms being spoken, from light hearted, to poetic, to loving and heartstring pulling, and in English and Hungarian. It was a great way to involve the whole audience. After we practice the ceremony, we head to dinner at a delicious Italian restaurant with a group of 70 people and new outfit number 3. This technically was part of new outfit number 2 because I had three pieces made in Kenya –  one short sweetheart cut tubetop underdress to be the layering base, a short lace dress to put on top of the underdress, and a big poofy tulle skirt to layer on top. Dinner was great, the wine was flowing, and I tried to make my way around the room to chat with family and friends. Even though the big day wasn’t until tomorrow, there were already 70 out of 120 people in town ready to celebrate!

Monday, December 31st, was the day we were all here for, and it was finally here!! …But you all will have to wait for Wedding Weekend (Part 2 of 2) to drop so that you can read all about it…

I just got an email from WordPress that my yearly payment of $48 to have an account/this blog has been automatically deducted from my account, so I figured I better write a post because otherwise that’d be a waste of money. That’s how they get ya: humans err on the side of laziness and know they won’t unsubscribe. And also I have all these followers I can’t let down.

Since I last wrote, lots has happened even though it seems like not much has happened because I’ve been living at my parents house slowly checking things off the to do list. Bill and I have been planning a wedding, I’ve been applying to jobs (because I’ll need to work when we move back to San Francisco on January 8th), and we’re looking for a place to live (as we don’t have a place to live right now when we get back to San Francisco on January 8th).

I’ve been quite stressed out. Those three big things happening in my life right now (have a wedding, find a job, find a place to live) all carry some uncertainty and require a lot of planning and effort. The planning and effort part isn’t the most stressful, it’s the uncertainty and the general demoralizing nature of trying to find a job and not having one. I had the option to do some part time remote work for my company back in Kenya, but I know myself well enough to know I’d still work full time and would stress myself out even more. Not having a place to live yet is not really stressing me out yet, because of AirBnB. We can always get something last minute for the rest of January, and we can spend that time looking at apartments to rent starting in February. Also, I think where we end up renting might depend on where I get a job. If I end up working in the South Bay, commuting to the East Bay would be rough, and vice versa. Bill’s office is in downtown SF so East Bay or South Bay or the city would work for him. Not having a job lined up is super stressful and I have these major ups and downs of emotion where I get excited about the jobs I applied to but then get really bummed out feeling like I’m not qualified or good enough or competitive enough in the market that I’m looking to work. So I have days where I apply to a bunch of jobs and days where I make no progress at all (except that I am and these thoughts are stupid). Any of you readers want to hire me? Despite my insecurities, I’m actually awesome and the best at everything. Just read the recommendation my former CEO wrote for me on LinkedIn for proof. Also Bill not being at home with me is hard. He stayed in Chicago at his parents house but I came back to New York a week after Thanksgiving to do wedding stuff that couldn’t be done on the internet, like taste food, put stuff in welcome bags, print place cards, go to Michaels, go to fabric stores, go to the dress alteration place, gather sticks, spray paint sticks, go to Michaels again, go to Costco, receive 1-4 Amazon packages daily for the past month, and what seems like a million other things I can’t seem to remember right now. T-minus ONE WEEK until Bill and I get married, and most everything is done! Now we just have to actually get to the venue to put the centerpieces together, put the spray painted sticks in the vases, and that’s pretty much it! HUGE shout out to my mom and my grandma for helping with everything, from tying bows, to tearing the place card perforated paper, for helping shop for the welcome bags, for putting stuff in all the welcome bags, for coming with me to all the craft stores and finding fun great things, for helping find and carry sticks, for helping spray paint the sticks, for putting up with me when I get stressed, for translating everything (the full wedding program and ceremony) into Hungarian to print out, and for being happy and excited for me. And HUGE shout out and thank you and more gratitude than I can ever express to my dad and mom for dropping a boatload of chedda. It’s so gonna be worth it.

Since most of my family lives in Hungary and most of Bill’s family lives not in New York, lots of people are arriving days before the wedding. The actual wedding is on Monday, December 31st (New Year’s Eve wedding/party!) so we have events planned from Thursday evening when a handful of people arrive! I am so excited for everything we have planned for that long weekend and that day. That part was a bit stressful too, because I wasn’t only planning wedding stuff but NYC sightseeing stuff for like 40+ people! I made a very impressive GoogleSheet with all the activities, our bitmojis, the exact times of everything, maps, links, and suggestions for things to do in the afternoon “free time”. Getting the details of the itinerary right was a long process and I ran a lot of ideas by Bill and by my bridesmaids. Now let’s hope for no rain on Friday Ferry Day and Saturday (ice) Skating Day. Snow on Sunday would be great because then it would leave a beautiful white dusting on everything for the wedding on Monday! The greatest thing about the venue is that all three buildings are connected with these inside bridges so you don’t have to go outside from the ceremony in the Mansion, to the cocktail hour and reception in the main building, and the guest rooms in the hotel building. It’s going to be the best! And all of our guests are staying on the same floor – party floor!!

There definitely is quite a lot of work that goes into planning a wedding, and with sites like Zola and the Knot, they make it way more complicated than it needs to be and make you think something that costs $$$$ is a necessity when it’s so not. Bill and I have had a lot of fun planning it, as I wanted a lot of it to be DIY – hence the spray painted sticks. One thing that bothers me is when people ask me, when Bill is right next to me, how wedding planning is going for me. I answer saying WE are checking things off the list and everything will be great. And everything will be great! Everything is done and now I just can’t wait for it all to begin. Not just the pre-wedding events, and not just the wedding, but the rest of my life with Bill. #he’ssolucky #butmostlyi’mlucky

Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve today to those of you to whom that applies.