Tap tap tap 🎤 is this thing on? 

It’s been well over a year since my last post. It’s funny how I ended that last one saying can’t wait to write so much more soon! I guess it took having a baby again to finally post again. That, and the obligatory automated email that wordpress will charge me the annual fee for hosting this domain so I figured should get my money’s worth since I didn’t last year. I posted about Kalliszta and Bence’s birth stories so it would not be fair if I didn’t do the same for Kellen. And I like going back to re-read them. So this is as much for me as it is for you.

He is already four months old – scratch that, 8 months old. Quite telling about how little time I have that it took me four months to write one paragraph and then another four months to pick it back up again. He is so crawly and so giggly and just so cute. My husband Bill and I forgot how hard the lack of sleep is the first couple of months but since moving to his own room at 4 months he’s sleeping eight hours straight and I’m very thankful. It is almost too easy! Bill and I joke that it is so easy we should go for number 4. I hope it’s twins! JK! 

I’m picking this up again at Kellen’s 8.5 month mark to attempt to get this published before he’s out in the world longer than in my uterus. 

Welp, that didn’t work. Now he’s just over 10 months. 

Aaaaaaaand now it is the day before his first birthday, so I better get this published by tomorrow! Kellen is napping in his own bed, which is quite rare for him as the third child. But lot’s of things are different for him as the third kid. He watched TV as early as a few weeks old thanks to his siblings watching TV. His oldest sibling was probably 2 years old when we first turned it on. He loves Bluey and Handyman Hal and watching soothing sand art videos. He also sits in the baby swing outside on our playset for a long time because it is an easy spot for me to put him when I need to do something else and I can’t keep my eyes on him long enough for him to not crawl away. We also have a “baby jail” (a baby gate circle playpen) in the family room where we put him if we are inside which serves the same purpose as the babyswing. He is such a fast crawler – he prefers the bear crawl because he tries to keep up with his siblings. He gets VERY upset if they run too fast for him, he does not like getting left behind the group! He is just days away from walking. I was hoping he would take his first real steps on Mother’s Day, but it seems neither of us can meet a self-imposed deadline. He loves to laugh – especially with Kalliszta – he is just so silly. He loves to play in water and give himself a round of applause. He looks so much like his siblings I have to double take some baby pictures! He is just perfect and sweet, and fought off RSV and an ear infection (thanks to medicine) and he’s got such cute teeth that he loves to brush. He is so smart and is such a good sleeper. I love our bedtime cuddles on the rocking chair in his room as he drinks his bottle. He’s down to just one nap a day, if he gets to sleep in his bed that is. He almost always naps in the car seat, as I tote his older siblings around between pre-K and preschool drop off and pick up and play dates and gymnastics and t-ball and all the other activities we have going on as a household with a 5 year old and a 3 year old. Kalliszta is at her last full day of pre-K as I write this now, and since Bence already finished his year at Two Cool For School Preschool, he is watching TV so I can write this blog. I have about two hours before Kellen wakes up again. Good thing I have this whole blog written in my head, I just have to get it on the page… 

And. Finally. Kellen’s Birth Story! 

Kellen was born on May 22, 2024 but his story starts almost a year before that, on June 2, 2023 when Alyssa, my doctor who delivered him, performed my dilation and curettage (D&C) surgery to “remove products of conception following abortion”. Had I not had a D&C procedure, I would have unlikely been able to get pregnant again because the unviable retained tissue in my uterus after a failed pregnancy. For those of you who are anti-choice, (or “pro-life” as you would optically yet hypocritically prefer), this is just another reason amongst an infinite number of reasons why abortion is healthcare. To be anti-abortion is to be anti-Kellen, because he wouldn’t exist without one. While I was not in danger of loosing my life it is unclear exactly what would have happened had I not had a D&C: irregular cycles, missed periods or excessive heavy bleeding, debilitating pain and cramping, for who knows how long, until menopause or longer. However, for some people’s medical circumstances, this is a life-saving procedure. One of many that is against the law in so many places in our country, and we should be ashamed. Why do we as a nation hate women? Why can’t we trust women to make the Choice that is right for their own life? It is infuriating, and quite frankly, an embarrassment to the country. Lots of things/people are an embarrassment to the country right now, but abortion bans top that long, long list. 

I checked in to the day surgery center in the morning and was picked up a few hours later. It is a quick surgery, but there is some prep due to the anesthesia, and some recovery as you come out of it. At this point in my life, I had a 2 year old and a 4 year old, and my anesthesia nap was the best sleep I had since becoming a parent! I was SO rested and refreshed! 😆

Since this was my second failed pregnancy after my second child was born, I decided to reach out to a fertility center since I (and my husband Bill) did want to grow our family. It is a tricky place to be emotionally because you have to be able to hold two opposing truths at once: wanting another kid to complete your family but also knowing that if it doesn’t happen, your family is complete already. Alyssa referred me to a fertility specialist and so began a time intenstive and money intensive journey, as insurance did not cover everything associated with this. Bill’s company however did offer assistance with that through Carrot Fertility, so that was just another added bonus to our already privileged lives. 

My fertility journey started out as many do, establishing a baseline. I had to wait for my cycle to return to my normal after the D&C, and for two full cycles to pass before we could begin with all the blood draws. That’s how a baseline is established: on what seemed like every other day of my 28 day cycle, I had to go in so they could take my blood. During the waiting period, we (me, Bill, and our fertility doctor) developed a plan. She told me in certain terms that I will get pregnant again based on having delivered two healthy babies already, it was just a matter of when and how. I wanted it to happen sooner rather than later, so we opted for IUI, intrauterine insemination, first and re-consider options if it didn’t take. It was August or September now (I can’t count 9 months backwards from May), and what I remember about the IUI prep was that I had to give myself a shot (YIKES!!) on Sunday or Monday, and maybe I also started taking certain medications too, like baby aspirin. (I developed pre-eclampsia in my first pregnancy so during my second pregnancy I took baby aspirin to keep my blood pressure down, and did so during this one as well.) Then on Monday and Tuesday I had to try to get pregnant au naturale and then on Wednesday I had to go in to the office with Bill’s sample to get turkey basted. Some amount of days later I went back to the office to see if it took, and it did! I was now pregnant and would remain in the care of the fertility center through the first trimester, and halfway through the first trimester begin my care with my OB Alyssa. 

Because of my history of failed pregnancies, (I have been pregnant 7 times but only have 3 kids), and because of all the baseline bloodwork the fertility center did, they found two things that maybe could have contributed to those losses. I won’t be able to fully explain it medically, but there was something with my thyroid levels, either high or low, who knows, so I had to take a pill once a day for the full pregnancy. Fine, easy. The other was a blood test testing for proclivity to clot that came back not negative but also not overwhelmingly positive, so I was put on a daily anti-clotting medication. This was a daily self-injection. I had to give myself a shot in my belly every day as soon as I got pregnant. I had to alternate left and right side to keep the bruising to a minimum. There is understandably not much research on oral medications for blood clots on pregnant women, so the safest option was to administer this self-injection for the entire 9 months of pregnancy. Needless to say I did not like doing it. The mental prep I would have to do to psych myself up for this every evening made my palms sweat. I told my doctor Alyssa, and she referred me to a high risk pregnancy doctor who would be more familiar with these types of conditions. Every pregnancy, like every person, is different, so there is no one size fits all for people who fit my medical description. I met with the high risk doctor and she was fantastic. She knew all my information, had all my records, re-tested this blood test prior to our meeting, and we had a great conversation. With her professional medical opinion – that it really is unknown what caused all my previous losses, and if I did have this blood-clotting condition I was not negative or positive for I would not have previously delivered healthy babies – I felt safe deciding that I will stop giving myself these shots after the first trimester after which the risk of miscarrying significantly decreases. And that’s what I did. 

The last two trimesters were thankfully much less medically exciting than the start and early pregnancy. Two days before Halloween of 2023 we moved into our dream home (that I (humble brag) designed) and the day before that we had a pizza party with our family in the finished but completely empty house. They have all seen the house before, but now that it was ready for move-in, I wanted to give everyone a tour, with a surprise. In the last bedroom upstairs, we put Kellen’s ultrasound pictures up on the wall, and that is how we announced the exciting news to our family! Kellen’s in-utero name was Zscott, and our kids loved talking about our future with Baby Zscott! Knowing this is almost certainly probably definitely for sure my last pregnancy, I had a few moments of mourning that, or rather appreciating that, in real time. I wished I took more pictures of myself documenting my expanding middle, but I was busy with two other kids both demanding 100% of my attention. 

Fast forward to my last trimester. I celebrated my 40th birthday! Bill and I took a whirlwind trip to NYC to attend John and Steph’s wedding! Bill and the kids and I went to Los Angeles to live in a beach house for a couple of days with our friends Julie and Mia and their families! I dug out our bottles and sterilized them. I applied for a breast pump through my insurance. I also knew that I was not planning on breastfeeding or pumping this time around but got a new pump anyway. I have historically overproduced and do not enjoy that feeling, of being so full you are leaking and about to explode. I also knew that I would need other people to be able to feed Kellen. I didn’t want to wake up multiple times in the middle of the night to pump if it wasn’t my turn to feed. I needed to be able to get as much sleep as possible to be a functioning parent of 3. I also like to sleep on my stomach. I also wanted to play at the ultimate frisbee Masters National Championships 8 weeks postpartum. (Came home with a silver medal, so, worth it!) I have played while pumping before, and it is the worst. The logistics of trying to time your pump/feed sessions with game times or halftimes is impossible and you end up missing parts of games and I hate running and sprinting while I’m sloshing around being weighed down. It is uncomfortable and it hurts and even if I am empty at the start of a game, I start filling back up right away and by the end of the game I am miserable. So straight to formula it was. My milk came in but started weaning right away so I only had to deal with it for about 2 weeks. I have no guilt about that, despite the Big Breast industry’s best efforts. Although here I am trying to justify it, that’s how ingrained/unconscious it is that “Breast is Best”. This was the exact right choice for me at this point in my life. I loved this for me, and I love whatever you choose for you. And when it comes to babies, it actually is “Fed is Best”. 

My first two pregnancies were induced. My first due to extremely high blood pressure. My second due to high-ish blood pressure. This time, despite it being my healthiest pregnancy, I wanted to be induced again, mostly so we had our ducks in a row when it was time to go. Bill did what he needed to do at work to prep for his parental leave, we set up the bassinet the other two kids used and I found the most important thing to me, which was the little onesie I wanted to bring Kellen home in (the same that his siblings wore home). I scheduled my induction to happen on the earliest day the hospital would let me and when my doctor Alyssa was the delivery doctor. I scheduled it for exactly 39 weeks. I was ready. The big kids were ready. Bill packed for us and so he was ready too. The timing was perfect. I wanted him to be born before Memorial Day Weekend because I think it is fun having a birthday during the school year, but I also wanted his birthday numbers to be fun like his older siblings: 11-9-19 and 10-1-21. At first I wasn’t sure about it, but now I love 5-22-24.

Tuesday, May 21st

Kalliszta had her last day of preschool and we all had to go to ice cream to kick off summer, as it is our family tradition. 

Wednesday, May 22nd

7:00am

I called the labor and delivery unit as instructed. I was supposed to go in at 8am but there were not enough beds! They told me to come in at 11am. I took that delay ok, mostly because I and everyone else had mentally prepared to leave early, and now here we were still at home, and I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t want to eat too much, because I wanted an epidural asap. I guess we just played for those few hours. I actually don’t remember if the two big kids slept at home and my parents Eva and Gabor slept over, or if the big kids slept over at their house for the two nights Bill and I were at the hospital. I remember that Bill put the big kids’ car seats in my parents car, and we drove our minivan with our infant car seat to the hospital. 

11:00 am

We arrived at the hospital. They put me in my room and got my IV in on the top of my wrist. This is always painful for me and it was not much better this time. They checked my cervix and I was actually dilated, 3.5 cm. They hook up a hydration bag and pitocin to the IV and started the pitocin at level 2. 

12 noon

I got my epidural. I made it clear as soon as I got there that I wanted it right away, before pitocin levels go up and before my water is broken. I learned the hard way during my first delivery, when I got an epidural After the doctor broke my water. Never again. Contractions are way too painful after that! Pitocin upped to 4. 

12:20pm

Alyssa breaks my water and I get a catheter inserted. 

2:30pm 

Pitocin upped to 6

3:00pm 

Contractions are 2 minutes apart, but irregular

3:20pm 

6cm dilated, and -1 station.

4:30pm 

I am switching positions for comfort and heartbeat monitors. Pitocin is still at 6.

5:15pm 

I am fully dilated.

5:30pm 

Pitocin up to 8. 

6:00pm

Practice pushes with the nurse. She tells me to stop, we need my doctor because it is time!

6:09pm 

Alyssa comes in and I started pushing! She and the nurses are so impressed with how fast and easy the next 8 minutes are that moments later I joke I’m ready for a fourth (jk, right?):

6:17pm 

It’s a boy! 6 lb 8 oz. 18.5 inches. Bill or I tell Alyssa that his name is Kellen, that he borrowed 3 letters from each of his siblings to spell his name and that it is both a Hungarian and Irish name (one “L” is the Hungarian spelling), and I thank her through tears of joy. We have a nice full circle moment talking about how here she was delivering my healthy beautiful baby when almost a year ago she was performing a surgery on me after a heartbreaking loss. 

8:22pm 

We are transferred to Recovery on the 5th floor. Our notes from the recovery room are much less detailed. I was instructed to pee before 1am. At 5am they screen Kellen for jaundice. He’s in the clear. They did some other newborn screens. He failed his first hearing test, which the technician informed us happens a lot before she even did the test so we weren’t alarmed. He passed the next day. I remember getting some colostrum out (that’s the first milk produced, that’s super thick and sticky). I got some over the counter pain meds as the epidural wore off, and switched between the Tylenol and Motrin every 3 hours. I also got a stool softener. Both Kellen and I needed to poop before we would be allowed to leave. 

Thursday, May 23rd

Finally the nurses realized that I don’t want to breastfeed, so we gave Kellen some formula at about 20 hours after birth. Oops. This was just foreshadowing to future pediatrician checkups many months down the line when it turned out we forgot to be introducing him to cow’s milk and water and mushy foods and finger pinch mushy foods. It was all good though, because “food before one is all just for fun”. Don’t worry though, he is hearty and healthy, and loves food. And even though he always makes a cute disgusted face after taking a bite, he always goes in for more.

It is hard to sleep that first night (well, most of the nights but especially at the hospital) because the nurses have to come in every so often to check this or that or the other. But one of the pediatricians that came through to check on Kellen is actually Kalliszta’s pediatrician. It was nice seeing her!

My mom and dad brought Kalliszta and Bence to the hospital to meet Kellen. I had a much more romanticized daydream about how this would go. They both didn’t really want to be there, I think they were scared of the hospital room. And they weren’t really allowed to touch a lot of things and I think it scared Bence a bit to see me on a hospital bed. They stayed for about 20 minutes and then left. But I was glad my parents got to meet Kellen then too!

Friday, May 24th

We are discharged and made it home for lunch. The HOA pool across the street from our house opened for the season as it was Memorial Day weekend, and so Bill and the two big kids went swimming. I was so happy that even though we have a third kid now, we didn’t miss a beat living life to the fullest and he fits in just so perfectly. And it is funny that we call Kalliszta and Bence the Big Kids, when the oldest isn’t even in Kindergarten yet (next school year!!)

Summer 2024

Bill had 16 weeks of parental leave, so he took his leave until the big kids’ school started back up again in September. (He took the rest of the weeks leading up to Christmas, and that was just magical.) It was so amazing for all 5 of us to bond as a family, to play and swim and travel and just be together for the whole summer. Kind of makes me wish grownups got a summer break too. Must be nice, Europe! 

Almost Summer 2025

I don’t know the official date, but for our family summer this year starts on the day after Kellen’s 1st birthday. Every year I think there’s no way this summer could be better than the last, yet somehow they always outdo themselves. Here’s to the best one yet…