With Kalliszta, I was able to write a blog post about my experiences during her first 5 days, 5 weeks, and 5 months of life right around her 5 month birthday. I had planned to do the same with Bence. To chronicle the chaos, the struggles, the snuggles, and the daily life of being a boring minivan-driving suburban white lady with a toddler and an infant. With each month that passed after his 5 month birthday, the guilt of not finding the time – or when I found time not having the cognitive brain function to do anything other than stare at the wall (projecting something mind numbing on Netflix or Bravo or HGTV) and eat chocolate – grew exponentially. I want so badly to give to them and do for them equally, but I also accept that their lives are different because I am different because they are both on this Earth.

During Kalliszta’s baby days, I remember thinking that I didn’t know what tired was until I had a kid. Now I look back at that mom of one and think just how easy she had it. When I was a stay at home mom of one, I could use naptime to do something like, pump breastmilk, sleep, veg out, zone out, doom scroll, day dream, listen to podcasts, clean up from breakfast, make lunch, clean up from lunch, do laundry, check email, respond to emails, order a Costco delivery, brush my teeth, or take a shower. If I did 2 of those things, that was a big day for me. Now as a stay at home mom of two, I am lucky if their nap times overlap for 30 minutes. I put a lot of pressure on myself to do something productive from that list of things to do during naptime that I usually don’t. There is essentially no downtime, no moment to myself to regroup, no pooping with the door closed, and definitely no sitting down to eat a meal; I mostly just stand over the kitchen sink inhaling whatever we have at my 4pm lunchtime when I’m famished. 

Since even before Bence was born, I packed Kalliszta’s schedule with music class, dance class, gymnastics class, sport mania class, mini movers sports class, cousin playdates, and tiny tot school (not all at once during the same season because that’s too much for anyone) not just for her development but for myself too. Though it sometimes takes the entire morning to get everyone ready and out the door – longer than the actual class itself – it gives me a reason to get out of the house. To have something to do without me having to google “what to do with a toddler today near me”. To meet kids her age and their cool parents. To make new friends. These Parks Department classes have been really great for that. We have met great kids and their families because after seeing familiar faces in classes over and over, we got to know each other. I started a GroupMe (a group texting app) and now we have Moms Night Out hang outs once a month! We also do play dates and playground meetups because it’s not only about the moms having fun I guess. 😉 

There’s a saying that goes something like “a great athlete has a short memory but learns quickly”. Meaning essentially not to dwell on your mistakes but to use them to improve your game from them. I think the same can be true of parenting. I don’t know what we did on Tuesday, but I know not to give dairy to a kid with the stomach flu. I can’t remember if anyone wore sunscreen to the playground today, but I know to line the crib with pacifiers so a baby about to wake can reach out in any direction, find one, put it in their mouth, and go back to sleep. And parents, just like athletes, need to mentally prepare. If Bill has a late meeting, he tells me (even though I can see his calendar), so I’m not expecting a shift change right at 5. We went on a month long international trip (blog post on that upcoming maybe but honestly who knows) and I anticipated terrible sleep, terrible poops, terrible keeping to a schedule (for naps and bedtime and meals) for everyone, grown ups included. And while much of that was true mostly due to our lack of actual planning which resulted in lots of moving around, our kids were absolute troopers. Night time sleep was hit or miss. Day time sleep was hit or miss. And though there were the obvious hungry and/or tired cranky outbursts, the kids were rock stars. They loved the trip. It was challenging for everyone and we put them through the ringer in terms of pushing bedtimes way back and doing lots of boring activities like going out to eat, but the kids really surprised me with their willingness to just go with the flow having many new experiences daily. 

Just like my guilt for not having any pictures in Bence’s baby book and not curating his “One Second A Day’ video in the app has grown exponentially, so has Bence’s development. Because he has been attending all those Parks Department classes since even before he was born, he is absolutely crushing it. He loves music class and gymnastics. He loves watching kids play, and has quite the attention span for musical instruments, even though he mostly puts them in his mouth. One good thing about having a short memory in regards to parenthood is I don’t compare Bence’s development to Kalliszta’s because I just don’t remember. I could look at pictures or read old posts, but I don’t know when Kalliszta cut her first tooth. I noticed Bence’s yesterday! It is so amazing how much his personality is really coming out. He is loving his newfound freedom of crawling and climbing everywhere. He loves pulling the books off the shelf. He loves pulling himself up to standing at every surface of our living room. Thankfully he has an older sibling so our living room resembles a preschool playroom more than an actual space grownups inhabit. He loves to be in the water when he is not tired – he loves a pool or a splash pad or a bath or a puddle or a water table. I love how much he loves me and how he smiles and gets so excited when he sees me. I love how he loves to talk. I loved how his poops smelled the first 5-6 months of his life while he was a purely breastmilk baby. I love how if he sees anyone eating anything, he wants to eat too and will let you know. I don’t think he loves being in his high chair, but he loves eating and trying new foods. I spent a weekend pureeing fresh fruits and veggies for Kalliszta before I bought some Gerbers. With Bence we went straight to store bought. He does enjoy gumming on fresh veggies like peppers and carrots. He loves fruit, especially bananas like his sister. I am so relieved his teeth are coming in because now I can give him more types of foods and only be slightly less anxiously nervous about choking. 

Bence is now at that age where he can interact back with his sister, and they are starting to play together. Just how a toddler’s mood can spin 180 in less than a second, that’s how they play together: Kalliszta is either so loving with him or does not want him around at all, especially if Bill is holding him. But they are getting better with each other and we are getting better at parenting siblings. (Some great parenting accounts that I follow: https://www.instagram.com/profemilyoster/ https://www.instagram.com/busytoddler/  https://www.instagram.com/biglittlefeelings/)

Doing anything or going anywhere with both of them is hard especially if I am by myself and outnumbered. But we are all getting the hang of it. We just have to plan extra time for getting ready to go to the car, to get in the car, and to get out of the car once we arrive. A typical day, Wednesday, for example, would go something like this:

5am-7am Wake up anywhere in that time window

7am-9:30am Drink milk, play, eat cereal. Grown ups get ready for the day in shifts. Eat cereal while also putting out whatever fires are happening. Brush my teeth. Vacuum up all the cereal that fell on the ground.

9:30am Get ready to get in the car. Wrangle all kids for new diapers and clothes for the day. Check the bag for extra clothes, food, diapers for all. Pro tip: keep diapers, wipes, shoes, and a change of clothes in the car. Keep it stocked. 

9:45am Pull out of the garage. We have a hybrid electric vehicle so the first 30 miles of any trip is purely electric. This makes me feel good about all the little trips we take around town every day. Unless we venture far away, we usually don’t use gas on a typical day!

10am Arrive at the Parks District community center for music class. Open the trunk, take out the stroller base and put the backpack and other stuff in there. Close the trunk. Open Bence’s side of the van. Take the carseat with him in it out and snap it into place on the stroller base. Close his door and walk around to Kalliszta’s door. Lock Bence’s stroller so it doesn’t roll away in the parking lot, open Kalliszta’s door. Put her shoes on. Unclip her seat belt on the car seat and take her out. Leave her blanket and pacifier. Bring her water bottle. Close her door. Unlock the stroller and run while carrying Kalliszta and pushing the stroller to the building. Push the automatic door button to open the door and walk in the building. Put Kalliszta down to lead us to the elevator. She pushes the down button. Wait for the elevator. Get in the elevator. Wait in the elevator. Get out of the elevator. 

10:05am Barely make it on time to music class! Say hi to our friends and to Miss Diana our teacher. Take Bence out of the car seat stroller so he can be part of class, too.

10:50am Sing our last goodbye song, put Bence back in the stroller, leave music class, and take the elevator back up.

10:55am Eat lunch on the picnic table outside. A banana and a cereal bar, a pb&j, or something similar and other random snacks, veggies, or fruit. 

11:30am Head back to the parking lot. Put Kalliszta in the car first since Bence is in the locked stroller. 

11:40am Pull out of the parking lot. 

11:42am Pull over because Bence is crying/screaming. Get out of the car, open his door, find the bottle that rolled away that was propped up in drinking position with a baby blanket, and prop his bottle back up. 

11:43am Continue driving.

11:48am Pull over because Bence is crying. He finished his milk and needs his pacifier. Get out of the car and put the pacifier in his mouth. 

12:00pm Turn left into our neighborhood and make the split second decision to turn right towards the Starbucks drivethru for a Mommy Treat. 

12:05pm Drive away from Starbucks with my caramel frappuccino. 

12:10pm Arrive at home. Unpack from the car: Bence asleep in his carseat first then Kalliszta. 

12:15pm Take Bence carefully out of the carseat, convince Kalliszta to come upstairs with me and go to her room to play or read or watch videos on Mommy’s Old Phone.

12:20pm Lay Bence down for a nap while begging Kalliszta to please leave Bence’s room and go back to her room and I will be there soon. Arm Bence with pacifiers all around him with 2-3 near each hand. 

12:22pm Meet Kalliszta in her room. Read a couple of books, talk about our fun morning and prep her for whatever we are doing that afternoon. 

12:35pm Lay Kalliszta down in her crib. 

12:35:30pm Kalliszta cries for one more hug. Pick her up and give her one big squeeze. Tell her I love her and am proud of her. 

12:36pm Walk out of Kalliszta’s room to the sounds of her crying. 

12:36:30pm All quiet in Kalliszta’s room.

12:37pm Sit down and chug my frappuccino while realizing there’s a whole second half to the day still left…

And this naptime situation is about to get extra tricky now that Kalliszta is in a toddler bed. A few mornings ago she climbed out of her crib and greeted us in our room at 6am. I was terrified but so happy she didn’t get hurt climbing out. Bill immediately converted her crib to a bed. Now she can climb out whenever she wants so we’ll see how big kid bed training goes. We got one of those clocks that changes from red to green indicating you can get up now. Thankfully this is happening now while Bill is taking the rest of his parental leave, and we can tag team at naptime. She needs us laying next to her to fall asleep right now. Hoping that won’t be the case in a week or so…? Crossing our fingers. Bence has been sleeping awesome once he recovered from jetlag. But between the months of 4 to like 8, he would wake up 2-3 times a night. That 4 month sleep regression is very real. And it was ROUGH. He would wake up around midnight, then 2 or 3am, then 4 or 5am, then be awake for the day around 6 or 7am. I normally go to bed around 10:30pm and if I went to bed any later, I would debate staying up until his first waking around midnight… but naturally on those nights I did stay up waiting for him to wake up, he would sleep through midnight until 2 or 3am. During one of those wakings, I would feed him because it was just so much faster to get him to go back to sleep. It was much easier when he was in the bassinet next to our bed, but once he started rolling we moved him to his own room and his own crib. Some of those 2am nights I would lay down on the couch in his room with him on my chest, and we would just sleep cuddled like that. We both loved sleeping like that, but did not want to make it a habit because I was never able to fully sleep deeply like that. My goal for my future is for all kids to sleep great all nights so that I too can sleep. Here’s hoping.

Bence doesn’t love reading yet. His sister gets upset when I read him a book and is only now coming around to the idea that everyone can look and listen to a book at the same time. We don’t read at bedtime yet because he is usually much too exhausted after his bath and bottle. It worries me that he isn’t used to reading and because of that I’m not sure he enjoys it. He grabs the book to eat it or loses interest and wants to be put down or crawl away. He does like books with pictures of real people, especially kids, in them though, so I think I need to be pushing those more. Also, he’s only 10 months old so the fact that he doesn’t have the attention span or interest in finding Spot, isn’t a predictor for his future academic success. Probably. 

Bence is thriving and loving life. He’s had so many great experiences in just his first 10 months, and it is so fun to watch him take it all in. Though most everything was a lot easier before Bence was so mobile I love watching him try new things. Now I just have to keep my head on a swivel because he is fast. He is so sweet. I call him Boom Boom because he is my whole heart and hearts go boom boom. In general, he is so easy going and just wants to be part of the action. Whenever the four of us are hanging out in the living room which is multiple times a day, Kalliszta says we’re having a party. And I love a party.